Deadpool: The Merc With A Mouth
by bleedgreen99
Summary: After a successful hit, Deadpool finds himself in a bigger mess than he bargained for. He now has to take down old foes and new ones in order to finally have a chimichanga. He kills at will and doesn't give two shits about names. He is DEADPOOOOOOOL.
1. Introducing The Merc With A Mouth

Introducing The Merc With A Mouth

Deadpool sat in a chair next to a fireplace. He had a pipe in one hand and had one leg over the other. He wore a purple robe over his usual red and black tights.

"Hey narrator! I can explain my own setting, I don't need you to do that for me!" Deadpool yelled out at no one.

"What the hell do you mean no one?! I'm talking to you right now!" he yelled out again.

"You know something you people piss me off."

"Just let the little dweeb type his fan fiction." a deep voice in Deadpool's head told him.

"Yeah, we are that cool he wants to write about us!" a higher pitched voice said in excitement.

"He wants to write about me! Cause I'm fucking awesome. Who wouldn't want to write about me? Fucking losers that's who." Deadpool laughed. "Now let me tell you, the audience, a little bit about myself. My name is Deadpool, aka the Merc with a Mouth, aka Dongpool."

"No one calls you that." the deep voice interrupted.

"They will eventually! I just need a girl to want me first. ANYWAY! I am a mercenary you see. A mercenary that can't die. So basically I am op as fuck! I also have any type of weapon at my disposal. I can teleport and can make anyone love me." Deadpool said.

"He's just that dreamy." the high pitch voice said.

"We are that dreamy. We are apart of him after all." the deep voice retorted.

"Will you two please SHUT THE FUCK UP. Okay? Thank you. Ah yes! Those voices are in my head. And for some reason, you can read what they say. Oh and yes I know you are there reading this. Stop right now and go get a girl or something. And if you are a girl, how you doin'?" Deadpool asked.

"Perv." the high pitch voice said.

"My story is this. I hunt down whoever I am paid to. With the occasional exception of bothering Wolvie. That sexy beast. How I miss him. Lately that web slinging freakazoid and the original hero The Hunter have taken up this writers time. Like does the writer think his shit through? The guy's name is Hunter and the hero's name is The Hunter. That's so FUCKING OBVIOUS. Jesus. This story will be much better I promise. It's me, it's gonna be better." Deadpool said standing from his chair.

"And for you fuckers out there wondering, I am in the same universe as 'The Amazing Hunter' but who knows if a crossover will happen. If I'm up to it maybe. Depends if he needs the star power." Deadpool walked out of the fireplace room and threw his robe down on the ground.

"Deadpool what the hell are you doing in the X-Men mansion?" Wolverine asked him, as he was walking out the front door.

"I'm a mutant, I can be here!" he yelled at Wolverine. "Where you headed Wolvie?"

"Don't call me that. And I am off to New York." Wolverine said opening the door.

"Take me with you!" Deadpool dropped to his knees and clapped his hands together. "Take me or kill me Wolvie!" Wolverine looked at Deadpool and clenched his fist, causing his claws to spring out. He stabbed Deadpool in the head and pulled his claws out right away. Deadpool fell on the ground and laid there as Wolverine walked away and headed for New York.

"Okay then dick." Deadpool said standing up. "Told you I can't die." Just then the ending song from the Deadpool video game began to play and Deadpool pulled out his cellphone.

"Hold on gotta take this."

"Yoooo, Johnnyyy what's up? Contract? I got a contract? Sweet on who? Chance? Who the fuck is- okay okay I'll do it. I want that money. And blood. But mostly money. Love ya Johnny buh bye." Deadpool hung up his phone and threw it behind him.

"Alright bitches we are off!" Deadpool said, his swords appearing out of mid air and onto his back. He had two guns appear on his waist and he walked out the front door of the X-Men mansion.

"I'd say end it with an explosion but I like the mansion. Um, OOO how about this. Crimes the disease, meet the cure!"

"That's a line from the teaser movie video." the deep voice said, returning.

"Way to fucking ruin it voice in my head." Deadpool walked away from the X-Men mansion with his arms crossed, disappointed that he didn't get his way.

"Stop fucking following me writer! The chapter is over!" Deadpool waved at any random place around and continued walking. He reached behind him and adjusted his tights.

"These fucking wedgies are so anno- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?!"


	2. Giving Deadpool A Chance Part 1

Giving Deadpool A Chance Part 1

"So, my first target is Chance. Another man in the mercenary business, except this man is a dumbass. The fuck decides that if he doesn't fulfill his contract, he owes the contractor money. So my client, is owed money by this douche and now I gotta kill him. All to make a couple bucks in the world." Deadpool sighed. He was driving down a freeway in a Lamborghini on his way to Las Vegas to find Chance.

"So what's the plan for this one?" the deep voice said.

"Well you see I was thin-" Deadpool began to say before a banging was heard from the front of the car. There was also a very quiet shouting being heard.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP OUT THERE. I'M IN A DEEP MONOLOGUE ABOUT HOW I'M GONNA KILL CHANCE." Deadpool shouted at the hood of the car. The banging didn't stop, so Deadpool pulled the car over in the middle of the freeway. He got out of the car and walked around to the front.

"Disresepectful, piece of shit, can't even let me talk for one God damn second." Deadpool muttered to himself. He pulled out his pistol and started continuously shooting at the hood of the car. He waited a minute after shooting to pop open the trunk.

"Hello gorgeous." Deadpool said, picking up the dead owner of the Lamborghini. He tossed him off the side of the freeway.

"That handles the first bit of dirty work." the high pitch voice said.

"Now to Las Vegas baby." Deadpool said putting on sunglasses and jumping back into the Lambo. As he drove off, the dead body began to explode and fly into the sky.

"Now that's how you end a scene!" Deadpool shouted out the window of the Lambo.

* * *

Deadpool arrived in Las Vegas a couple hours later. He had crashed the Lambo two states back. He was forced to walk the rest of the way and when he finally reached Vegas he dropped to his knees and began to cry.

"I fucking did it. Finally." he said crying. He brought a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. His body fell to the ground and laid there for a second. He stood up afterwards and cracked his neck.

"Nothing like a bullet to give ya a little chubby." Deadpool said walking into the city.

"What is wrong with our brain?" the deep voice asked.

"Who cares?" the high pitch voice retorted. Deadpool continued walking until he reached one of the many buildings. He walked into the one Chance was apparently at and looked around. He saw many people sitting at the machines or playing poker or any other shitty casino game in Vegas. A blonde waitress walked by him and Deadpool's eyes popped out of his head. She walked by him and he fell to the ground and looked at her walk away.

"Nice ass toots." he said out loud.

"Deadpool what are you doing?" he heard a familiar voice say.

"Is that?" Deadpool asked standing up. "It is! Cable you ugly motherfucker!" Deadpool said jumping into Cable's arms.

"Get off of me Wade." Cable said.

"Ugh, fine, but only cause I'm gonna go look for that blonde babe." Deadpool said, beginning to walk away.

"What are you doing in Vegas Deadpool?" a female voice asked.

"Domino baby? Is that you?" Deadpool asked turning around. Next to Cable, who had white hair, a robotic arm, and a glowing eye stood a female Deadpool recognized. She had black hair and a block spot around her left eye.

"Don't leave out the tits narrator." Deadpool said. Fine Deadpool, you win this round, Domino also had some pretty large tatas. "There you go buddy." Deadpool said, rubbing his hands together.

"Does this guy ever shut up?" a girl with blonde hair asked.

"Who's this chick?" Deadpool asked getting too close to her.

"That is Tabatha Smith aka Boom Boom." Cable said.

"Well we can boom boom anytime." Deadpool said winking at her.

"Again I ask, what are you doing here Deadpool?" Domino asked.

"I have a contract." Deadpool said, backing away from the trio.

"You can't be killing just anyone Wade, there are bigger things at play here." Cable said.

"Like my penis?" Deadpool asked, checking out the women around the casino.

"They call you Dongpool for a reason." the high pitch voice chimed in.

"Anyway Cable, I'm off to go and kill that guy that I was not talking about. Love you Domino. Fuck you later Boom Boom." Deadpool said walking away.

"Do you mean 'see'?" Boom Boom asked.

"I meant fuck, call me." Deadpool said, popping back real quick. "DJ hit the theme music. Narrator hit save. This chapter done BITCHES!"


	3. Giving Deadpool A Chance Part 2

Giving Deadpool A Chance Part 2

"Now here's what the dealio is amigos, I'm gonna find this chance guy, and kill him." Deadpool said walking up the hotel stairs.

"And what if we don't find him?" the high pitch voice asked.

"Well I'll cry all fucking night!" Deadpool said arriving at Chance's apparent hotel room. He knocked on the door and heard a man yell "Who is it?" in a deep Brooklyn accent.

"Room service." Deadpool said in a girly voice.

"I didn't order nothin." the voice shouted back.

"Come on asshole why do you have to make this difficult." Deadpool said pulling out a tiny C4 explosive. He stepped back and pressed the button on a trigger blowing the door up and sending pieces of wood flying into the room.

"WHAT DA HELL?!" a man screamed. Deadpool walked into the room and looked around. A man was lying on his bed, seeming like he was about to take a nap. He had short black hair and stubble. Deadpool flopped down onto the bed along side the man and grabbed the controller.

"Time to watch some porn!" he shouted.

"The contract?" the deep voice said. Deadpool looked away from the TV and towards the door where the man was running away.

"Shit, niner niner we got a runner." Deadpool said picking himself up. The man was sprinting down the hall and reached a dead end. In front of him was only a window, the stairs and elevator were the opposite way. Deadpool went sprinting down the hall after him and once he reached him he tackled him out the window. The two went plummeting towards the ground when the man pulled out a small knife.

"Are you kidding me dude? My dick is bigger than that thing." Deadpool said, mocking his knife. The two continued getting closer to the ground when Deadpool pulled out his pistol. He aimed it at the mans head, and fired the trigger. The dead body hit the ground with a big splat noise. Deadpool soon followed landing on the corpse and making a splat noise of his own. His body laid here for a moment before he came to. He stood up and wiped his body off.

"Did I fulfill the contract? Easier than I thought." Deadpool said.

"He has a name tag on you idiot." the deep voice said.

"Definitely not Chance." the high pitch voice said.

* * *

In a room at the same hotel Deadpool just tackled a man out of, a meeting was taking place. In one of the elite hotel rooms there were multiple people to discuss one certain topic, Deadpool. In the room were multiple villains who all wanted one thing, no more Deadpool. Inside was Chance, Copycat, Anaconda, Bullseye, Mr. Sinister, Miss Sinister, and the man that gathered them Ajax.

"So why are we here." Copycat asked. She was a mutant who could turn into anyone and use their powers while looking like them. She had blue skin and white hair along with red eyes.

"I think to talk about Deadpool, you know the person we've been talking about this whole time." Anaconda said. She had light skin and light brown hair. She coud regenerate, breath underwater, superhuman strength, and could extend her limbs.

"Can we get this show on the road?" Bullseye shouted out. He wore black and grey tights with a bulls-eye on the head of the costume. He was an expert marksman and never missed a shot.

"Yes, me and the Misses would like to get going." Mr. Sinister added in. He had black hair and pale white skin. He also had a red diamond on his forehead. Miss Sinister looked the exact same, except she had longer hair.

"Yes, well, I guess we are done here. Chance watch your back. Don't forget that you have Deadpool after you. Don't let him get to you. If you feel he is onto you, summon one of us." Ajax said. He was a mercenary just like Chance and Deadpool. He had on a blue metal suit and the eyes glowed red. He had super strength and super speed due to experiments done on him for the Weapon-X project.

* * *

"Why are my common senses tingling?" Deadpool asked as he laid down in his hotel room bed.

"Is that a jab at Spider-Man?" the deep voice asked.

"Who?" Deadpool asked.

"You know that funny, crime fighting, web-head in Manhattan." the high pitch voice said.

"Never heard of him. My super-hero digest hasn't come in for a while. I don't know what's going on out in the world." Deadpool said, going to the pay per view channels.

"But you mentioned him in the first chapter." the deep voice told Deadpool.

"Shut up! These nerds don't remember every single little thing." Deadpool yelled.

"Obviously the author does." the high pitch voice said. Just then a noise was heard out in the hall and Deadpool went to look out the peep hole. "This isn't the first time I've peeped kids." Deadpool said quietly. What he saw on the other end was multiple people walking out of an apartment and down the hall. He recognized some of them as his arch-enemies Ajax, and Mr. Sinister. He saw a blue girl and a normal looking girl with them also, along with Miss Sinister and Bullseye.

"Look at the tits on the blue chick." Deadpool said, excited.

"Shouldn't you worry about what they were doing?" the deep voice asked.

"Nah, I'm gonna go jack off. End of chapter baby. I can do as I please." Deadpool said, grabbing a box of tissues and jumping onto the bed.


	4. Giving Deadpool A Chance Part3

Giving Deadpool A Chance Part 3

Deadpool woke up the next morning on the balcony of his hotel room. He rolled to his left and saw a blow up sex doll. He held his head and started to stand up.

"Come on babe." Deadpool said, grabbing the doll and bringing it inside. Inside his hotel room was dozens of tissues scattered around and beer bottles all over.

"That's weird I can't get drunk. Maybe beer is how I refill my spunk." Deadpool said, dropping the doll. He walked over all the bottles and tissues and walked to the door.

"This place is a shit hole." the deep voice said.

"It's like we never left home!" the high pitch voice said.

Deadpool decided to look through the peephole and outside in the hall he saw his target, Chance. He turned around and was extremely furious.

"Did you know he was here author?!" Deadpool asked, in a angry yet hushed tone. Deadpool turned back around and saw Chance waiting outside the elevator.

"Shit what do we do. Shit shit shit." Deadpool said worrying.

"You could just take him out right now." the deep voice said.

"I like your thinking brain." Deadpool said. He took a second to mentally prepare himself and then shoved the door open. The door fell down to the floor since the hotel room was so wrecked. Deadpool looked down at the door and quickly back up at Chance. Chance jumped into the elevator and furiously started mashing the button on inside.

"This fucking door." Deadpool said as the elevator closed. Deadpool kicked the door and started jumping around on one foot since he stubbed his toe kicking it.

"Fucking son of a bitch! Fucking piece of wood ain't good for nothing! I hope the trees go extinct!" Deadpool yelled at the door.

"Trees can't exactly go extin-" the high pitch voice started to say.

"Shut the fuck up." Deadpool said, walking to the staircase, ashamed of himself.

...

Deadpool got to the lobby of the hotel and fell to his knees.

"Jesus. Why are there so many steps?" Deadpool said exhausted.

"Pussy." the deep voice said. Deadpool shook his head and looked up to see Chance in the front seat of a car and driving away from the hotel. Deadpool ran outside and watched as his car started going farther away. He started quietly cursing to himself as a car pulled up in front of him.

"Get in." Deadpool heard come from the car. It was Domino in the front seat of a convertible.

"Domino! Baby! My savior!" Deadpool said, tearing up.

"Are you getting in?" Domino asked.

"Are you gonna blow me?"

"What?!" Domino asked.

"What?" Deadpool asked, running around the side of the car and entering the passenger door. They drove off, chasing after Chance.

"You know Domino I really owe you for this. Do you prefer motorboats or one at a time?" Deadpool asked.

"I hate you so much Deadpool." Domino said, they were out in the desert now. They had caught up to Chance and were in the middle of a desert now. Domino got the front of her car right next to Chance's back tires. She hit his car with hers, causing him to spin out and crash into multiple cactus's. Chance fell out of the car and laid there on the ground.

"You sons of bitches." Chance said in a thick western accent.

"Domino, let me finish him off. This way I get paid babe." Deadpool said, pulling out one of his swords. "Not the sword in my pants audience. That's for off screen." Deadpool said winking.

Deadpool was about to shove the sword into Chance's chest when he heard someone clear their throat. He looked in front of him and saw Bullseye walking towards him.

"Oh great, this loser." Deadpool said. He heard someone else clear their throat and he turned to his right. Walking towards him from that direction was Anaconda.

"Indiana Jones hates that chick." Deadpool said to us. He heard a noise from the left and turned that way. Walking towards him was Mr. and Misses Sinister.

"What the fuck is this? A C-list villains meet up?" Deadpool asked.

"No Wade. It's to finally put an end to you." Deadpool heard behind him. He turned to see Ajax standing there.

"Well well well. If it isn't Ajax. You fuck." Deadpool said, sticking up the middle finger. "Domino, we can take these chumps. Flash your tits, it'll distract them." He said, not looking behind him for her. When he didn't hear a response he turned around to see the blue chick from the other day leaving the hotel. He started scratching his head and looked around for Domino. He slowly walked up to the blue girl and looked down.

"Holy titties..." he said loudly.

"You don't stop do you?" Copycat asked.

"Only when you say the safe word." Deadpool winked at her. He turned around to a huge fist from Ajax hitting him right in the face. Deadpool was sent into the air and flew backwards a bit due to the punch. He got up and was wrapped into Anaconda's hyper extensive arms and she began squeezing him. Ajax walked up to him and started to continuously punch him in the face.

"I-"

PUNCH

"Don't-"

PUNCH

"Know-"

PUNCH

"What-"

PUNCH

"You-"

PUNCH

"Expect-"

PUNCH

"To-"

PUNCH

"Accomplish." Deadpool finally finished, having to take heavy breaths. Mr. Sinister ran up to Deadpool and threw a punch right at Deadpool's face. It connected and Ajax followed up with another punch. Deadpool started to stop breathing due to his constrictions and right before he passed out he heard Ajax say "Time to kill the man who can't die."


	5. Giving Deadpool A Chance Part 4

Giving Deadpool A Chance Part 4

Deadpool woke on the floor of a small room. His weapons had been taken from him and he was in handcuffs. He found a way to stand up and looked out the window of the tiny room. Outside he saw the scenery going by really quickly, he never had the chance to take everything in. He scratched his crotch and then walked to the locked door of the room. He juggled the door knob and had no luck.

"Where am I?" Deadpool asked out loud.

"Canada." a female voice said from the back of the room. Deadpool turned around quickly to see Domino sitting in the corner with handcuffs on as well.

"We are in Canada, and are currently traveling on a train." Domino said lifting herself up.

"Why'd they bring you here babe?" Deadpool asked.

"They thought they might as well take out two heroes while they were at. That's how Copycat knew to turn into me, they already had me." Domino explained.

"Well they do know they can't kill me right?" Deadpool asked, throwing the handcuffs out the window.

"How did you..." Domino trailed off.

"Cause I'm Deadpool." he bragged. He saw a guard standing outside the locked door and knocked on it. "Hide." he said quickly to Domino. The two quickly ran to different parts of the room and hid behind boxes. The guard walked in and looked around.

"Where you at?" he yelled out. He walked past their hiding spots as Domino jumped on his back and wrapped the chain from the cuffs around his neck.

"Bitch!" Deadpool yelled, kicking the guard between his legs. He dropped to his knees and then completely down, dropping a key ring. Deadpool used the keys to unlock Domino's cuffs, and then picked up he guard's gun.

"Stay here. I got this." Deadpool said confidently.

"No you don't." the deep voice said.

"You always fuck up." the high pitch voice added in. Deadpool sighed and shook his head before walking out of the room and towards the front of the train.

* * *

Chance sat at the front car of the train staring at a computer screen. He was on a video call with the rest of the villains who were conspiring to kill Deadpool.

"That 'cargo' will be headed our way here in France soon enough, where will end him. Chance you just have to see it through that he does not escape." Mr. Sinister said.

"Of course." Chance said.

"We left you our best guards." Ajax added in.

"Don't fuck up." Anaconda said as she hung up. The others soon hung up as well and a guard ran into the room Chance was in.

"We got a problem." the guard said.

"Oh the irony." Chance said, standing up and grabbing a large machine gun.

* * *

Deadpool held a guard at gunpoint as others stared at him, waiting for him to make his move.

"Where are those fuckers?" Deadpool yelled out the guards. He didn't know it, but he was four train cars away from where Chance was at.

"Now I know. Thanks narrator." Deadpool said. Your, uh, your welcome Deadpool... ANYWAY

Deadpool shot the guard in the head and let his body drop to the ground. The five guards surrounding him soon released fire with the guns they held, all the bullets going into Deadpool.

"I FEEL SO ALIVE!" Deadpool yelled as he spun around in circles, like a majestic ballerina, but getting showered with bullets. Finally coming to a halt, Deadpool held up his gun and shot each guard in the head and watched them drop to the grown.

"I don't even know how people stand a chance with me." Deadpool laughed. "See what the author did there? God he's so funny." Deadpool said walking to the the next door of the train. Before leaving the train car he was his swords and two pistols and quickly grabbed them. He opened the door to the next train car and saw only one guard standing in his way. This guard however, looked like he stood as high as the car and had muscles that were bigger than Deadpool's head.

"Jesus, who pushed you out of there vag?" Deadpool asked. The guard grunted and cracked his neck.

"You're almost as big as my dick." Deadpool said.

"You wish!" Domino screamed two cars back.

"Why don't you just find out babe!" Deadpool yelled back. He was then grabbed by the guard and threw through the roof of the train car and right into the cool Canadian air. He landed on the roof of the previous train car and picked himself up. The train had come to a stop a couple minutes ago and down below was a small town.

"That looks like a good place for a final battle." the deep voice said.

"It's like you read my mind." Deadpool said in awe.

"I am your mind you fool." the deep voice said, annoyed. Deadpool ran from to the front of the train, jumping over the gaps in between the roofs. He reached the front and jumped down through a hatch. Chance stood their waiting for him, aiming the gun right where he stood.

"Well if it isn't Deadpool, the man hired to kill me." Chance said.

"What the fuck do you mean 'well if it isn't' you knew I was here!" Deadpool yelled at him.

"Whatever! I have orders I have to follow, which involves you in handcuffs." Chance said, starting up the gun.

"Not here buddy, this isn't the right setting." Deadpool said. He grabbed Chance by the shirt and jumped through the window of the room. The two went tumbling down the mountain they were on and towards the small town below. They split up in different directions, still rolling. Deadpool landed in front of an elderly couple and looked up at them.

"What? Never seen a man in red and black tights trying to kill another man in yellow and red tights before?" Deadpool asked. The two quickly walked away as Deadpool stood up. He looked back at the mountain and saw many guards tumbling down towards the town, as well as the huge guard.

"Oh fuck me." Deadpool said as he cocked his pistol.


	6. Giving Deadpool A Chance - Finale

Giving Deadpool A Chance - Finale

Deadpool sat inside a McDonald's with four guards and was eating a chicken nugget when he looked up.

"Hm mm hm mm hm?" Deadpool asked with a full mouth.

"Maybe if you got that dick out of your throat we could understand you." the deep voice said.

Deadpool swallowed and said "Is it time for the finale?" Yes Deadpool, it is.

"Shit!" he said. He quickly shot the four guards in the head, sending everyone else in the McDonald's screaming and threw out his trash. He carried the bodies out back and threw them into a dumpster.

"Remember kids, whenever you kill someone, dispose of their body. No evidence!" Deadpool said walking back to the spot he was at for the ending of the last chapter. He pulled out his gun and cocked it. He looked around and then gave a thumbs up.

"Ok I'm ready!" Deadpool said. Immediately after saying that, gunfire was flooding the other side of the wall. Deadpool peaked out when it stopped and shot two guards in the head. He ran forward a bit and ducked behind a dumpster. A guard was getting close to him as he picked up a half eaten apple. The guard looked at him and tilted his head. Deadpool looked down at the apple and up at the guard, before throwing the apple and hitting the guard in the head with it.

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away champ." Deadpool said, stabbing the guy right through the chest. "Thank goodness I'm only a gynecologist." Deadpool added in.

"A non-licensed gynecologist." the high pitched voice said.

"We don't mention that last part." Deadpool ran forward a bit and saw Chance surrounded by 10 guards, and he somehow still had his huge machine gun.

"Still not as big as the thing in my pants." Deadpool said, shaking his head. He go up from where he was hiding and turned around to have his throat grabbed by the humongous guard he previously got beat by on the train. The guard began squeezing his neck and Deadpool began to kick his legs around. The guard threw Deadpool into a mini market place in the small Canadian town. He looked up at a woman and jumped to his feet.

"Man do you got some tig ol' bitties." Deadpool said staring at the woman's chest.

"We are kinda busy at the moment." the deep voice said.

"Instant message me at DongPool69." he said before running out of the mini market. Deadpool pulled out his sword and ran at the huge guard, who grabbed him and threw him up into the air. As Deadpool was coming down the guard punched Deadpool right in the chest, sending him flying into the mountain. Deadpool rolled back down the mountain and landed in front of the hue guard.

"Jesus can't you just let me be?" Deadpool asked. The guard dropped to the ground as a gun was heard, and a bullet went through his head.

"What the-" Deadpool asked looking up at the train. Standing there was Domino with a sniper rifle in hand.

"God damn she is so hot." Deadpool said running towards the group of ten and Chance. Chance began to run into the woods as Deadpool pulled a grenade out and threw it at the group. Deadpool stabbed one in the chest before continuing to run as the grenade went off. The guards couldn't run in time and they all went flying into the air as Deadpool chased Chance into the woods. They ran far out as Domino was following Deadpool as well. Chance was running extremely slow due to carrying the huge machine gun. Deadpool was catching up to him and so was Domino. He saw Chance drop his gun and was in grabbing distance now. Deadpool jumped out and tackled Chance to the ground. He pulled out his gun and cocked it. He then aimed his gun at Chance's head.

"Do it! You won't!" Chance yelled. Deadpool then immediately pulled the trigger and killed Chance right then and there.

"Nice job dumbass, now we don't know where the other villains are." the deep voice said.

Deadpool looked down at Chance and threw his gun into the air. "FUCK!" Deadpool yelled. He picked up his gun again and shot himself in the head and started crying.

"Will you stop being such a bitch." Domino said, walking up to him.

"Bang me and I will." Deadpool said.

"Give me 1,000 years."

"I'll be counting down the days hot stuff." Deadpool said standing up.

"The next target is in France." Domino said. "I overheard it on the train."

"Sweet, I get to wear a beret!" Deadpool said.


	7. Deadpool Gets A Bullseye Part 1

Deadpool Gets A Bullseye Part 1

Deadpool and Domino sat at a little table outside a cafe in Paris. Deadpool had on a barrette and was holding a small cup of coffee to his mask. Domino sat back in her chair with a menu in her hands.

"Wait, why the fuck are you narrating again?" Deadpool asked.

"What are you talking about Deadpool?" Domino asked.

"Don't worry about it babe. Some loser typing that's all." Deadpool said, taking a sip of coffee.

"Nice cup of joe." the deep voice said as Domino looked around and shrugged her shoulders.

"So what are we gonna do about the other people trying to kill us?" Domino asked Deadpool as a waiter came to the table.

"Laugh at them." Deadpool said as he got a plate of snails delivered to him. He looked at it and tilted his head.

"What the fuck is this?" Deadpool asked picking up the plate. "Here boy!" Deadpool yelled out, and then followed it up with a whistle. A dog came running up to the table as Deadpool dumped the snails onto the ground. The dog ate up every one as Deadpool patted it's head. Domino looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

"What? Never heard of Dogpool?" Deadpool asked her.

"You are fucking crazy." Domino said with a slight laugh.

"YOU GUYS ARE ALL WITNESSES I MADE HER LAUGH. IF YOU CAN MAKE A GIRL LAUGH, YOU CAN MAKE HER DO ANYTHING." Deadpool yelled out at everyone outside the cafe.

* * *

"So Chance is dead?" Bullseye asked his computer screen. He was in a three way call with Mr. Sinister and Anaconda.

"Yes, killed by Deadpool." Mr. Sinister confirmed.

"And Domino helped." Anaconda added.

"What am I supposed to do?" Bullseye asked.

"If you could kill her, maybe it will get to Deadpool." Anaconda suggested.

"Are they in Paris?" Bullseye asked.

"Yes, they arrived two days ago. You can't let them find out where the rest of us are Bullseye." Mr. Sinister said, hanging up.

"Anaconda, you know he can't die right?" Bullseye asked.

"Of course I know." Anaconda said.

"Then why are we going to get ourselves killed?" he asked.

"Maybe we could find away to keep him trapped forever. All I know is you can't let him and the girl get to us." Anaconda said hanging up.

"Oh yeah, cause that's simple. All I can fucking do is throw cards at people and not miss. Big whoop." Bullseye said shaking his head as he walked out of his office and into the factory he and his guards were staying at.

* * *

"So fifty you said right?" Deadpool asked.

"That's right honey bunch." a lady said to him. They were in a jeep and parked in one of the side streets of Paris. One of the streets barely anyone goes to.

"And I get the whole package?" Deadpool asked rubbing his hands together.

"Of course baby." the lady said, snatching the money from Deadpool's hands. She started to unzip his pants before Deadpool stopped her.

"Wait, wait, wait. Do you got any diseases?" Deadpool asked.

"Why would you care? You can't die." the deep voice said.

"Oh yeah..." Deadpool said as he wiggled around in his seat and the lady bent down.

* * *

"Are you keeping an eye on Wade?" Cable asked Domino through the phone.

"I'm trying to." Domino said as she leaned against a wall.

"Where is he now?" Cable asked.

"With some prost-" Domino began to say before she was cut off by a gunshot. "I have to go." Domino said hanging up and placing the phone in her pocket. She ran into the side street and saw a lady lying next to the jeep she and Deadpool were using.

"What the fuck did you do? Jizz so hard she got a hole in her head?!" Domino yelled at him.

"The bitch tried to take my money for a shitty blowjob! She bit Widdle Wade!" Deadpool yelled as he placed his gun into his holster. Sirens were heard coming for the area as Domino jumped into the back seat. Lying next to her was Dogpool.

"Jesus." she whispered.

"I heard he's a great guy." Deadpool said as he sped off as cop cars quickly got to the street they were on. They went right by a factory with two huge looking thugs standing outside of it.

"Was that?" the one thug asked.

"I'll tell the boss." the other thug said. Domino, Deadpool, and Dogpool continued speeding through Paris as cop cars chased them all around. Eventually they were out of sight but the sirens could be heard. They pulled up to a small motel and checked in for one night. Deadpool opened the door to their room, as Dogpool ran inside barking uncontrollably. Domino walked in after, followed by Deadpool who was staring at her ass. She turned around and caught him looking.

"Wasn't that blowjob enough for you?" Domino asked.

"I told you it was shitty." Deadpool said rolling his eyes under the mask.

"Well maybe if your lucky, I'll rub against you quickly tonight." Domino teased, as she walked into the bathroom.

"Deadpool gonna get some!" Deadpool squealed to himself.

"You wish!" Domino yelled out to him.

"Damn right I do. ROLL CREDITS."


	8. Deadpool Gets A Bullseye Part 2

Deadpool Gets A Bullseye Part 2

Deadpool woke up on the floor of the motel room with something licking his face.

"Domino calm down babe." he said still half asleep. He looked up and saw Dogpool standing over him still licking him. Deadpool shoved the dog off and immediately stood up.

"Damn mutt." he said to Dogpool. Dogpool growled in response and ran off to the bathroom. Deadpool looked at the bed and saw Domino sleeping there in her underwear.

"Look at that hottie." the high pitch voice said.

"Tig ol' bitties." Deadpool said gulping. he walked towards Domino slowly when she sat up quickly and aimed a gun at him.

"Really? You are seriously perving on me?" Domino asked, throwing down the gun and standing up.

"Well, yes." Deadpool said slapping her ass. Domino smiled before kicking Deadpool between the legs. He dropped to his knees as she entered the bathroom and Dogpool ran out.

"The dog has a better chance." Domino said, closing the door. Dogpool jumped onto the bed and immediately fell asleep. Deadpool got up and was about to burst into the bathroom when there was a knock at the door. He walked over to the door, scratching his crotch and looked through the peep hole. He saw four mercenaries standing there aiming guns at the door.

"Oh shit." Deadpool said loudly.

"Open up, we heard you in there!" one mercenary yelled through the door.

"Nice going dumbass." the deep voice said. Deadpool ran to the bathroom door and furiously began to knock.

"I'm kinda busy showering in here!" Domino yelled out. Deadpool stopped knocking for a moment and stood up straight.

"Wait a minute, why the fuck am I worrying. I'm Deadpool." Deadpool said picking up Domino's pistol. He walked to the door and opened it all the way.

"Hola mi nombre es la piscina de muertos." Deadpool said to them raising his arms.

"Freeze Deadpool." one mercenary said.

"I didn't even move..." Deadpool said still standing there. One guard tackled him to the ground and pushed his face into it. He held him down while the three others searched the room. One aimed there gun at Dogpool while the other two stood outside the bathroom. Dogpool jumped up at the guard in front of him and started biting at him.

"Shoot the thing!" the man yelled. The guard holding down Deadpool was pushed off of him and shot in the head by Deadpool. Deadpool picked up his sword and shoved it through the guard's chest who was being attacked by Dogpool. He shot the other two in the head, leaving two blood smears on the wall. The bathroom door opened and out walked Domino in a towel.

"What happened Deadpool?" Domino asked.

"Company sweetheart." Deadpool said, kicking one of the lifeless bodies. Dogpool barked at her and wagged his tail. She bent down and patted his head as Deadpool's eyes went wide.

"Holy titties." he said.

"Not one minute without you hitting on me." she said sighing. She walked back into the bathroom in order to gt dressed as a van pulled up outside the motel. Deadpool ran to the bed and looked underneath it. He began searching for the best weapon of choice and threw out multiple things. A rubber chicken, an Italian hoagie, a machine gun, a dildo, a blow up sex-doll, and he finally stopped at a rocket launcher. He ran back to the door way and aimed it at the van. He fired it, and the impact sent him flying backwards into the bathroom door. He knocked it over and tumbled into the bathroom.

"Damn, she's dressed." the deep voice said. Domino stared down at Deadpool as the van outside blew up and Dogpool stood at the doorway barking crazily.

"I think we should check out." Deadpool said.

"Smart thinking." Domino said, walking over Deadpool and grabbing the keys. Dogpool followed her to the car as Deadpool got up. He grabbed his two swords, Domino's pistol, the rocket launcher, the machine gun, and the blow up sex doll before running to the car and jumping in the back seat. He dropped everything on the seat next to him and gave Domino a thumbs up. She shook her head and sighed before stepping on the gas and driving away from the motel, as more vans began to surround it.


	9. Deadpool Gets A Bullseye Part 3

Deadpool Gets A Bullseye Part 3

"Hey you sexy motherfuckers!" Deadpool said as he waved his hand. Dogpool looked up at him and immediately put his head back down. Domino sighed and continued to drive away from the motel that was being swarmed by Bullseye's men.

"I'm back! So is this hot chick. How you feeling Domi." Deadpool said, looking at her and placing his arm over her shoulder as they came to an abrupt stop.

"Not good I assume." the deep voice said. Deadpool looked forward to see Cable and Boom Boom standing outside a cab, that immediately drove away. Deadpool and Domino got out and walked over to the two.

"Cable! Baby! How you been?! It's been like... what... five chapters?" Deadpool said, hugging Cable. Cable shoved him off, then wiped his suit.

"I don't know what the hell goes on in your head. Chapters..." Cable said, chuckling to himself. He shook his head and looked up at Deadpool. "Anyway Wade, there is something we need to talk about." He looked at where Deadpool was supposed to be but he was now gone. He looked over at Boom Boom. Deadpool was standing extremely close to the front of her body with his right above her breasts.

"Jesus these things are-" Deadpool began to say before getting slapped on the back of head. The slap caused Deadpool's face to go in between them and shook his head side to side rapidly before getting pushed away by Boom Boom. He looked at Domino, who was the one that slapped him, who had her arms crossed.

"What? Nothing like a good ol' motorboat before getting to action." Deadpool said winking at Domino. He turned to Cable who had his head in his hands.

"You never stop do you." Cable said, "Anyway, I think we figured out a reason Bullseye is here in Paris."

"And why would that be?" Deadpool asked, pulling out a juice box.

"There is an ancient power here Wade. Something serious. Bennet du Paris was a crusader in the 12th century. He-" Cable continued to say before getting interrupted.

"So why the fuck should I worry about him? He should be dead." Deadpool said, taking a bite out of a hot dog.

"Where are you getting this stuff from? Anyway Bennet du Paris is immortal, Wade. He can't die and I believe that Bullseye was sent here to find his tomb. If they awaken him the whole world could be in danger." As Cable finished saying that four vans pulled up to any possible exit from the alley way and dozens of troops poured out of the vans.

"Oh shit. It's going down." Deadpool said. He pulled out his two katanas as Cable began to power up the gun attacked to his arm. Boom Boom created orbs of energy with her hands as she got ready for what was about to happen.

"Hey, by the way, did you get jealous before?" Deadpool asked, leaning close to Domino. Domino gave him a death look as a bullet was fired and went right through Deadpool's head.

"Ha ha! You can't kill me!" he shouted at the trooper. Just then another bullet was fired and went right through his crotch.

"You... son... of... a... BITCH!" Deadpool yelled jumping into the dozens of men trapping them in the small alley.


	10. Deadpool Gets A Bullseye Part 4

Deadpool Gets A Bullseye Part 4

"Dear readers, before we begin I have a little request. Last chapter left off with me jumping into a sea of badies. Well starting todays chapter is action. God I fucking love killing those pricks. Anyway, please during the fight scene play some really badass music. That way I seem cooler than this faggot writer makes me look. Love you all. Xoxo, Deadpool."

* * *

Deadpool stabbed two guards in the head as Cable shot a blast from his gun. The blast killed about four as Boom Boom sent her energy blasts into another five. Domino pulled out two pistols as she began shooting at the wave of bodies closing in on them. Dogpool jumped onto one of the mercenaries and began biting at him. Deadpool jumped into the air and shoved his two blades through the heads of two more men as Cable hit away one with his metal arm. Domino kicked one in the face and shot him as he fell. Boom Boom was backed into a corner as she was surrounded by five of Bullseye's mercenaries. They grabbed her and stopped her from throwing her energy blasts at them. Deadpool noticed and tried to get Domino and Cable's attention but it didn't work. Boom Boom was carried off and thrown into the back of a van as they drove off. Deadpool ran out of the alley as the van pulled away. A civilian pulled up beside Deadpool, stopping at a stop sign. Deadpool kicked the man off his motorcycle and jumped on.

"Thanks nerd." Deadpool said as he sped off hoping to save Boom Boom.

"Quick follow him!" A mercenary yelled as they all began to pile into vans. Cable shot two of them, causing them to explode. Domino and Dogpool jumped into the jep they had as Cable got in the back and aimed his gun at any vans that tried to stop them.

"Catch up with Wade!" Cable yelled. Domino drove the car out of he alley and started chasing Deadpool who was chasing the van with Boom Boom in it. Two vans appeared behind the jeep Domino was driving as a huge chase began threw Paris. Deadpool got close to the lead van and got to the back window. He reached to his holster and pulled out his Desert Eagle. He was about to shoot the window when a mercenary poked his head out the passenger seat window. He looked back and saw Deadpoool there and his eyes went wide.

"Oh shit!" the man said as Deadpool proceeded to shoot him in the head. Deadpool watched as the man slumped over and he smirked. He was about to look back at the other window when the passenger door flew open and the dead body came flying out.

"Fuck me." Deadpool said, as his motorcycle hit the dead body in the road and he went flying into the air. The bike came out from under him and he began to free fall back down to the street. Behind him the Jeep had been pinned down as a van came flying out of a side street, hitting the Jeep's side. Domino, Dogpool, and Cable were all apprehended as the vans sped to catch up with the leading one. Deadpool landed on the street and laid there for a bit. Snoring was heard as the voice in his head eventually spoke up.

"Hey dumbass, wake up." the deep one said.

"The badies took your friend." the high pitched one continued.

"Shit." Deadpool said, as he raised himself to his knees. He looked around and saw the motorcycle. He got up and began walking towards when someone picked him up by the back of his neck.

"Hey! Put me down you cock gobbler!" Deadpool yelled. He was dropped to the ground and turned around. As he saw who stood there his eyes got wide.

"Who the fuck are you?"


	11. Deadpool Gets A Bullseye - Finale

Deadpool Gets A Bullseye - Finale

"We were sent here by the X-Men to help Wade. You were taking way to long to take out all these assassins." The first one said. She was a female with barely any hair and wore all black. She also wore black makeup and a long black trench coat.

"Its not my fault the author takes so damn long to type these fucking chapters." Deadpool said, standing up and dusting himself off. The second one stepped towards Deadpool. He was huge and was chrome. He walked towards Deadpool and looked him up and down.

"What the fuck do you want chrome dome?" Deadpool asked him. The man hit him with barely any power, but he sent him flying into a nearby coffee shop, sending people screaming. "What the fuck was that for?"

"You called me chrome dome." the chrome man said in a Russian accent.

"I apologize. Jesus you hit hard. Okay so who the fuck are you people?" Deadpool asked taking off his mask to clean it.

"Put the mask back on you looked like an avocado had sex with an older avocado." the deep voice said.

"Or a testicle with teeth." the higher pitch voice chimed in.

"Why do you look like Freddy Kruger face fucked a topographical map of Utah?" a pedestrian said walking by. Deadpool immediately shot the man in the head, killing him instantly. His face had a really bumpy texture due to the experiments done ti him by Weapon X. It kinda looked like a pink raisin. Now that the mask was off, Wade looked up at the two with his bald, pink raisin head and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh right. This is Colossus." The girl said pointing at him. "And I am Negasonic Teenage Warhead."

"What the shit? That's the best fucking name ever." Wade said, staring at her.

"Well... Thanks. Now what are you waiting for? We have to go that factory." Negasonic Teenage Warhead said.

"What warehouse?" Wade asked.

"You know, the one you passed in like the first Bullseye chapter." the deep voice said.

"What are you talking about, chapter?" Wade asked the voice.

"Remember he doesn't understand that stuff. Only Deadpool." the high pitch voice clarified. Wade shrugged and put the mask back on as his eyes went wide.

"OH THAT FACTORY." Deadpool said, running to catch up with the two new mutants he met.

* * *

Boom Boom, Cable, and Domino were tied and strapped to a wall in the basement of a factory located in the middle of Paris. Dogpool was in a cage on the ground next to the three mutants. The basement had many weapons stored down there and guards were constantly coming down to watch the captive mutants. The only reason they were being held here was to lure Deadpool to the location. Bullseye walked down to them with two huge elite looking guards next to him. They both held assault rifles in their hands and their belts had a bunch of different things attached to it. Grenades were mostly what covered the belts along with other clips of ammo and the occasional small knife. Bullseye had on a long leather coat and black cargo pants. He had a utility belt full of projectile objects he could use to throw. He had the imprint of a bullseye on his forehead and was bald with a goatee. The top floor of the factory was just to hide what they were really doing. The factory was a base of operations to rediscover the mutant Exodus, or Bennet du Paris.

"I hope you all know this isn't personal." Bullseye said, as he played around with one of his many knives.

"So what is it?" Domino asked.

"It's so I can get that freak Deadpool." Bullseye said walking up to her and placing the knife under her chin. "You just happened to be useful." he moved the knife away quickly and walked back upstairs. The two elite guards followed him and five of his regular troops came down to watch the mutants.

. . .

Outside the warehouse, Colossus, Deadpool, and Negasonic Teenage Warhead arrived. They Stood there and tried to prepare a plan.

"So what's the dealio?" Deadpool asked.

"What?" Negasonic Teenage Warhead asked.

"You know, the plan? What are we going to do once we get in?" Deadpool asked again, face-palming before he talked. Colossus and Negasonic both just shrugged. Deadpool sighed and pulled out his two katana's. "Of course I always have to do this shit. What do you expect. It's my story." Deadpool walked up the factory and motioned with his head at the door. Colossus walked up next to him and grabbed the door and ripped it off. Two men inside looked at the two mutants and were about to signal the others when Colossus threw the door at them, sending the two flying. The two being sent flying alerted the others and soon Deadpool and Colossus were swarmed with guards all over as Negasonic waited outside. Deadpool stabbed one guard right through the chest as Colossus picked up one and used him as a wrecking ball. He swung the guard into others knocking them all out. Deadpool threw his sword straight into one man's forehead and pulled out a pistol. He shot the remaining guards and received his sword as Colssus stood outside another door.

"What are you waiting for?" Colossus asked. Deadpool ran up to him and waited for the door to be taken down. In the room was one of Bullseye's elite guards. Colssus looked him up and down before saying, "Go. I can handle this." Deadpool ran off to the next room as Colossus and the elite soldier had a stare down. The guard lifted his AK-47. He began shooting at Colossus but the bullets just went right off his body. Colossus smirked and charged at the guard who tried to swing his gun at Colossus. Colossus grabbed the gun and broke it in half over his knee. The guard whipped out two pistols and tried to use those to shoot Colossus but the same result happened. Colossus hit the pistols out of the guards hands, but got drop kicked afterwards. He fell to the ground as the guard jumped on top of him and tried to hurt him with multiple punches too the head. Colossus covered his face and head as the guard continued to swing away. Realizing that no damage would be done this way the guard grabbed a grenade and immediately pulled the pin. He dropped it and starting sprinting for the exit as Colossus was right behind him. Colossus didn't reach the door in time as the grenade blew up, sending him flying back out to the first room.

* * *

Deadpool was running through a long corridor which had mirrors that watched over the conveyor belts in the factory. He stopped at one old wooden door and tried to listen. He heard mummers but didn't know who it was. He took a few steps back and charged at the door. As he charged, the door was flung open and he went flying down a fleet of stairs. He made a bunch of noises as he hit steps along the way and finally landed on a floor with a bunch of crates labeled "ammo". He rubbed his head and lifted himself up onto his knees.

"That fucking hurt." he said. He stood up to see himself with a bunch of guards staring at him. He threw a arm over his chest and yelled, "You pigs, my eyes are up here!" The guards looked confused as Deadpool chuckled. He pulled out his pistols and began to fire away at them, taking each one out while they were helpless. As the last one dropped he blew the smoke from his pistol and tried to swirl them around his fingers. He failed miserably and the pistols dropped to the ground.

"Fuck you author. At least no one saw it." he said, bending down to pick up the pistols.

"Um, we saw it." a familiar voice said as Deadpool jumped up.

"You almost made me shit my pants." Deadpool said looking at the wall where his friends were trapped. He ran over to the cage on the ground and dropped to his knees. "DOGPOOL! YOU'RE OKAY!" Deadpool yelled out. Dogpool responded with a growl as Deadpool stepped back. "Wow, bitch." Deadpool said, as he kicked the cage open. Deadpool then went on to cut down Boom Boom, Domino, and Cable. Cable walked over and picked up his gun as Domino walked over and placed her Desert Eagle in her holster.

"So how are we escaping Wade?" Cable asked.

"I've kinda been winging it this whole time." Deadpool said with a nervous laugh.

"Are you serious?" Boom Boom asked.

"When do I ever joke around?" Deadpool asked as steps could be heard walking down the staircase. Appearing before them was an elite guard, Bullseye, and multiple regular guards.

"Well if it isn't the man of the hour." Bullseye said. Deadpool looked around and when he couldn't figure it out he shrugged.

"You, dumbass." the deep voice said.

"Oh, that makes sense." Deadpool said throwing his hands into the air. He pulled out his pistol but it was knocked out of his hand by a bullet.

"MOTHER FUCKER!" Deadpool yelled as he looked at the bullet hole in his hand. He pulled out his swords and jumped at the elite guard. Cable held his gun like a bat and used it to hit two of the guards in the head, knocking them out. Domino did a barrel roll dodging stray bullets from a gun. She pulled out hers and shot three in the chest, shoulder, and head. Boom Boom used the energy blasts from her hands to take out four of them. Dogpool bit the last one's ankles as Cable punched him in the jaw, knocking him out. Deadpool was in a sword battle with the elite guard who somehow was able to counter whatever Deadpool threw at him. Domino chaged at Bullseye who avoided it. He kicked her into the wall and held her there. He tied her hands behind her back. Dogpool jumped onto Bullseye who threw him back into the cage and closed it. Dogpool whimpered as a still conscious guard crawled over to Domino and tied her ankles together so she couldn't move. Cable charged at Bullseye who got punched in the stomach. Bullseye came back with a knee to the face and an uppercut. Cable stumbled backwards as the elite guard threw Deadpool into a wall. Deadpool jumped at Bullseye as Cable when after the elite guard. Deadpool missed Bullseye and had three knives go into his back. He turned around and saw Bullseye smirking. He threw his sword at him, and Bullseye moved out of the way just in time. Cable swung his gun and knocked the sword out of the elite soldier's hand. He kneed the soldier in the stomach then swung the gun up into the guards chin, sending him flying backwards and knocking him out. Cable turned around to see Bullseye with a knife to Boom Boom's throat as Deadpool stood there not knowing what to do.

"Wait! Give her up and I'll go with you." Deadpool said raising his arms and throwing down his weapons. Two guards came running down to the room and grabbed Deadpool and rushed him away. Bullseye smiled, but didn't let go of Boom Boom. Cable held his gun up at Bullseye who raised an eye brow.

"Ah ah ah. Do that and she dies. We need the energy she is able to produce." Bullseye said as he backed up towards the staircase with her. A guard came down and placed special gloves and handcuffs around her hands and wrists. They took her upstairs as Bullseye began to back up. As he reached the top step, he was kicked back down and was unconscious as he landed on the ground.

"Was I a little late?" Negasonic asked as her and Colossus entered the basement.

"They have Wade and Tabitha." Cable said, as he freed Dogpool and untied Domino.

"Well what should we do?" Negasonic asked.

"We go for Tabitha. Wade did that on purpose so I believe he can handle himself." Cable said as he began walking up the staircase. Negasonic used her future sight powers to see that Deadpool was off to England and Boom Boom was headed to Vancouver.

"To Canada." Negasonic said. The group left the factory and began their journey to Canada, making sure to drop off Bullseye with the authorities. Elsewhere, Deadpool was incapacitated in the cargo part of a plane, on his way to England.


	12. Deadpool's Anaconda Part 1

Deadpool's Anaconda Don't Want None Part 1

"We are going to find a way to make it through this Wade." Vanessa, Wade's girlfriend, said to him as he sat in his living room with his head in his hands.

"How am I going to make it through this Vanessa?" Wade said as he looked up at her. It was before the Weapon X program experimented on him. His skin was normal and he had no powers.

"We can get chemo treatment for you." Vanessa said, trying to brainstorm.

"Do you know how much that will cost us?" Wade asked, who was now standing and pacing back and forth.

"We can get through this together." Vanessa said hugging him.

"Yea, the cancer is only in my liver, lung, prostate, and brain. Those are all things I can live without, right?" Wade asked, his dark humor upsetting Vanessa.

"This isn't the time for jokes Wade." Vanessa said slapping his arm. "We need to figure out a way to get the money for your treatment."

"I'll think of something. But I need a drink. I'll have my phone with me if you have to call." Wade said, grabbing his keys and putting on a hoodie.

"I love you Wade." Vanessa said, as he opened the door.

"I love you too Vanessa." Wade answered, as he walked out the door.

* * *

Deadpool was woken up by a huge bright light. He looked around and saw he was being dragged to the trunk of a van on an airstrip. He saw multiple men all dressed in black standing around with guns, crowbars, knives, pipes, and other weapons to try and 'kill' Deadpool with. The two men stopped dragging Deadpool and held him outside the back of the van.

"Where the fuck I am." Deadpool asked.

"You'll be in London soon." One of the men said. He hit Deadpool in the head with a lead pipe multiple times until he was unconscious. They opened the trunk and put handcuffs on his hands and feet before putting him in the trunk. They closed and banged on it, as it began to drive away from the airstrip.

* * *

Wade sat in a booth at a local bar with his hood up. He sipped some whiskey from his glass then held it in front of him. He was thinking of ways to keep his treatment going but he had been running out of money cause of it and had next to nothing left. He took another sip and placed his glass on the table.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" he asked himself. Someone slid in the booth across from him and cleared their throat. Wade looked up and saw a man in a suit with short dark hair.

"Mr. Wilson?" the man asked.

"Depends who's asking." Wade said, looking at the man.

"It's someone who can help your situation." the man said.

"I'm listening." Wade said.

"I know who you are Mr. Wilson, and what you are capable of. I know what you can do and i feel we can both benefit from what I'm going to ask of you."

"What is it you're gonna ask?" Wade asked, with a puzzled expression.

"We have this program. It will make you the greatest soldier of all time. A super hero of sorts." the man said.

"How is this gonna benefit me?"

"It will heal you Wade. The cancer throughout your body will be destroyed."

"You're shitting me." Wade said, standing up, not believing the man.

"I don't lie Wade. Here, take my card at least. If you change your mind, call me." the man said, walking away. Wade looked down at the card and put it in his pocket. He left a twenty at the table and began to walk home.

. . .

Wade arrived home way later than expected. He walked inside his house and hung up his hoodie. He tiptoed to his bedroom where Vanessa was asleep in bed. He took off his shoes and shirt and got into bed next to her.

"Where have you been?" she said half asleep. She rolled over and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I think I've got a way to treat the cancer." he said, realizing she had fallen back to sleep. He closed his eyes and soon began to sleep as well.

* * *

Deadpool woke up in the back of the trunk, but it hadn't stopped. It was still driving toward their destination. A toolbox went flying around as the driver didn't seem to care how fast or how unsafe he was driving. Deadpool bounced around the trunk and hit his head multiple times.

"Jesus H. Christ this shit is too much." he yelled as he continued to bounce around.

"Weeeeeeee!" the high pitch voice squealed.

"Get us the fuck out of here!" the deep voice yelled.

"I would if I didn't have cuffs on me you twats!" Deadpool yelled. As the voices calmed down the toolbox went flying right into his head, knocking him out yet again.

* * *

"You won't regret this Wade. I promise. We can make you a hero." the man who brought Wade into the program said. Wade was on a gurney and was about to be brought into a lab to have the procedure done on him.

"Just promise me two things. Promise me you'll do right by me, so I can do right by someone else."

"And?"

"Don't make the super suit green." Wade shouted, as he was being pulled into the labs. He remembered blacking out and waking up in a room with two people. He looked to his right and he saw a man in a lab coat holding a clipboard. The other person was a female with blonde hair and she stood next to the clipboard man.

"Alright, Mr. Wilson, are you ready for the procedure?" The next thing he knew he was hung up by his hands and left hanging there while the two circled him.

"Um, this feels a little too kinky to fix my cancer." Wade said as the girl stopped in front of him. She smirked and formed a fist. He was punched in the stomach by her with all her force and he let out a groan of pain.

"What the f-" before he knew it another punch.

"While you were asleep Mr. Wilson you were implemented with a healing ability. Well we want to, put that to the test." the man said as he now punched Wade. The girl dropped Wade onto the ground and dragged him over to one of the machines. It was filled with water and Wade was placed in it face down.

"I didn't sign up for th-" he said before his head was pushed down into the water and held there. After what seemed like a minute he was pulled back up and gasped for air.

"You see in this place we like to have fun. We see how much pain a patient can take, for our own enjoyment." He was strapped down inside a glass case and tied down before the man began to talk again.

"But before I have my fun, I owe you a cancer free life." He turned a knob on a control panel and Wade began to feel something electrocute him and course through his body. He gasped for more air as the power was turned up and the pain was increasing. The man smirked as he brought the control panel behind a protected wall where the girl had gone to wait.

"Before we go on, any last requests?" the man asked.

"What's your name?" Wade asked, in between breaths.

"Francis." he said, going behind the protected wall. He turned the knob all the way up as the glass case began to spark. More sparks began to fly out as Wade felt like something bad was going to happen. Before he knew it, the machine blew up, with him inside.

. . .

Wade Wilson laid there, lifeless on the floor with the machine shattered around him. He knew the machine had worked but something inside him knew he was being tricked at the same time. If he had listened maybe he wouldn't have been dead on the floor and instead be alive right now, with Vanessa. As he floated around in what had to be some sort of after life he felt something spark in his body. His heart was trying to fight it's way back. To get revenge on the man who ended his life. To make things even. His heart jolted him awake as he shot up. His body now dis-formed and his hair gone from the experiments. He looked around and saw the experimenting room now empty. He knew two things. One, he wanted revenge. Two, he was going to kill Francis for attempting to kill him.

* * *

Deadpool woke up as his hands were tied above his head. He was being held in some sort of basement it seemed as there were steps that led to an upstairs, and no sunlight leaked into the room. A group of four guards sat in a circle around a table playing poker, not worrying about Deadpool since he was bounded to the wall. He looked up and saw it was a hook that he was tied to. He smiled to himself and began to drag the rope across the hook to cut it. The guards din't sense anything, as Deadpool felt the ropes break and his hands became freed.

"Fucking idiots." He mumbled under his breath. He held his hands up in the air. Waiting for the best moment to strike.


	13. Deadpool's Anaconda Part 2

Deadpool's Anaconda Don't Want None Part 2

"How long has it fucking been?" Deadpool asked looking around

"By the looks of it..." the high pitch voice said trailing off.

"It's been a while." the deep voice finished.

"I'm still 'hanging' in this dumb basement. Can I get let out of here yet?" Deadpool asked.

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?" one guard said looking over at Deadpool. He had a thick British accent and aimed his assault rifle at Deadpool's head.

"That's cute, you think that toy will effect me." Deadpool said. He reached down, revealing his hands were no longer tied and grabbed the rifle from the mans hands. He kicked the guard in the stomach and went on to shoot him in the head. The two guards across the room looked at each other and tried to run to the exit. Deadpool shot both guards in the back. They fell and their bodies rolled down the steps. Deadpool stepped over their bodies and walked to the door. He opened it and saw a loading zone full of multiple guards, weapons, and cars.

"Well fuck me..." Deadpool said. Every guard in the room opened fire on Deadpool he ate the bullets like it was nothing.

"Do we really have to kill them?" the high pitch voice asked.

"It could be more space fillers for the author. I think we might have to." Deadpool said sighing. He walked over to the first guard and snapped his neck. He walked over to the next one and pulled out his katana and stabbed the guard in the chest. He pulled out a machine gun and began to shoot all over the room. His sad expression soon turned into an evil grin and began to laugh maniacally. Soon all the bodies in the room were down on the ground except for one last guard. Deadpool cocked his pistol and aimed it at the guard's head. WAIT DEADPOOL DON'T!

"What? Why?" Deadpool asked looking up. YOU NEED HIM ALIVE

"Fooor whaaat?" he asked annoyed. TO MOVE THE STORY ALONG. QUESTION HIM!

"Oh, I like the way you think Author." Yeah well, I wanted this story to actually continue. Deadpool walked up to the guard and punched him across the face.

"HOW BIG OF A DICK YOU GOT?!" Deadpool yelled at him.

"W...What?" the guard asked, cowering in fear at first.

"I think he meant to find out who the baddie is for this arc." the deep voice said.

"Oh shit. You're right. I meant, um, who hired you!" Deadpool yelled.

"Anaconda and Copycat." the guard said.

"Thank you." Deadpool said, finally shooting the man in the head.

"You fucking idiot." the deep voice said.

"What? What did I do?" Deadpool asked, standing up and walking to the exit of the warehouse.

"How are we going to know where those two are?" the deep voice asked. Deadpool stopped dead in his tracks and stood there staring at the door.

"Um, did he freeze?" the high pitch voice asked.

"I think, he's having a stroke and handling it well." the deep voice answered.

"FUCKING DAMMIT THAT'S THE SECOND TIME IN THIS STORY I'VE DONE THIS. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK." Deadpool yelled at the top of his lungs.

"FUCK THIS SHIT." Deadpool said storming out of the warehouse to a great view of Big Ben.

"Fuck all you Brits, and your fucking crumpets, and ugly teeth. And your stupid ass accents. You all fucking suck."

"Jesus pal calm down." a man said.

"No you fucking calm down!" Deadpool said running away, tears filling his mask. "I'll see you all next time on 'Deadpool's A Dumbass'." He said waving to the sky.

"I think he escaped the loony bin." a lady said.

"Fuck you lady." Deadpool said, slumping his shoulders as he began to walk through England, not knowing where to go.


	14. Deadpool's Anaconda Part 3

Deadpool's Anaconda Don't Want None Part 3

"Hello Audience. Deadpool here. I'm here to inform you all that the author, bleedgreen99, also known as, FaZe Quickscope Swag Master 420 69 Just Blaze, has taken a break from MY story. Well, I am here to tell you something. We are fucking back ladies and gentleman. Chapters won't be consistent, but there will be chapters. I'm going to get to kill again! Ugh, I have such a chubby right now. Anyway, expect the giggles, because I'll have you busting a gut. Literally, I'll kill all of you."

"Calm down now. This is just an introduction." the deep voice said. Deadpool cleared his throat and shook his head.

"Pardon my french."

"We're in England you dipshit." the high pitch voice said.

"Fuck you okay. Let's get on with my story." Deadpool said sighing.

* * *

Deadpool sat in a pub, lying face down on the floor with hundreds of beer bottles around him. People stared at him in fear and in sadness.

"It sucks, only because I can't get drunk." Deadpool said, still face down on the floor. The door to the bar was flung open by three men dressed in all black with M16's in hand. They picked up Deadpool and proceeded to drag him towards a large truck they had outside. As soon as they reached the truck. it was blown up by a beam of energy that came from the sky. The three men looked up to see a man floating down towards them. He had on a costume that looked like the flag of England.

"Put him down." the man said.

"Or what?" one of the mercenaries said.

The man fired an energy beam at the man, sending him flying into a wall. The two other mercenaries looked at each other, dropped Deadpool, and ran away from the man that looked like a flag. He went to help up Deadpool who pushed him away and pulled out a Desert Eagle.

"You dumb British fuck. They were going to lead me to Anaconda!" Deadpool yelled at him.

"That's the thing Mr. Wilson. I have located her." the man said.

"Oh really? And who are you?" Deadpool asked, circling around the man.

"I am Captain Britain." he said.

"That explains the dumbass costume." Deadpool said, stopping in front of him.

"Dumb?" Captain Britain asked.

"Don't take it personally, it's just, nothing tops the red and black. Know what I'm saying cuz?" Deadpool said, throwing up a gang sign.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Captain Britain asked.

"My father neglected me as a child. And my mother was a whore. Also, I'm lying to you right now. Except the whore thing. Except instead of my mom, it was a next door neighbor. Well really she lived down the street, but -" Deadpool said before getting interrupted by Captain Britain.

"Do you want to find Anaconda or not?" he asked.

"You take me to Anaconda, and I'll do anything you want." Deadpool answered with a wink.

* * *

Sometime later, Deadpool and Captain Britain were in an apartment complex across from Big Ben. Apparently Anaconda was working from inside the large clock tower and Captain Britain wanted to scope the place out before going in and attacking. Deadpool was sitting in the corner as Captain Britain stared out the windows with binoculars.

"You know I was thinking about something earlier." Deadpool said, pulling out his Desert Eagle.

"And what was that?" Captain Britain asked, not looking away from the window.

"You, Captain Britain, are here in England." Deadpool said.

"Yes… I am." he said, confused.

"It was only a couple days ago that Captain Britain went to Spain to help take down a large gang there. So how are you back so quickly?" Deadpool asked, standing up quietly and slowly.

"What are you trying to say?" Captain Britain asked, a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead.

"You don't even have a British accent." Deadpool said, aiming the pistol at Captain Britain's head. "So why don't you tell me who the fuck you are?"


	15. Deadpool's Anaconda Part 4

Deadpool's Anaconda Don't Want None Part 4

The fake Captain Britain stared down Deadpool as Deadpool tried his best not to squeeze the trigger. Deadpool waited for an answer as long as he could before shooting the fake in the foot.

"Ow!" they yelled, grabbing their foot and jumping up and down.

"Now show me who you are asshole!" Deadpool yelled.

Before his eyes, Deadpool watched as the person began to morph into another body. This time it was a female who Deadpool recognized. She had long black hair and light brown eyes. Deadpool dropped the gun as he realized who it was.

"Vanessa?" he said.

* * *

"We can get through this Wade Wilson." Vanessa Carlysle said. She was Wade Wilson's girlfriend, and she was hugging his arm as they had just discussed his cancer. She kissed his cheek and then his shoulder as he got up.

* * *

"I thought you were gone. I never found you after the whole thing." Deadpool said.

"What are you talking about?" Vanessa said backing away from him.

"It's me." Deadpool said, taking off his mask. "It's Wade. Wade Wilson. Vanessa you have to remember me." Vanessa stared at him with a blank expression. Deadpool walked closer to her and she continued to back up.

"Listen. I don't know you. I don't know who you are. I just know I have to complete the mission." Vanessa said to him.

"Your name is Vanessa Carlysle. We loved each other baby!" Deadpool said, thrusting forward and raising his arms.

"Listen. Get away from me. I can't have this happening." Vanessa said, holding her head.

"Have what happening?" Deadpool said.

"I'm remembering things…" was all she said. After that, the door to the room burst open and guards stormed inside. Deadpool jumped for the window, smashing it and flying towards the ground. Vanessa ran to the window and watched as fell to the ground and smashed into the sidewalk.

Deadpool got up and began running away from the building hoping to avoid any guards that were trying to find him after his escape.

"She doesn't fucking remember me." Deadpool said to himself, once he found an alleyway that was clear.

"Maybe it's what Ajax did." the high pitched voice said.

"He did say he was going to kidnap her." the deep voice added in.

"But brainwash?" Deadpool said to himself.

"It's not impossible." the high pitch voice told him.

"Alright. Alright. Well I can't kill her. I've killed Chance, Bullseye is arrested, and now I'll have to decide what to do with her." Deadpool said.

"Spare her?" the deep voice asked.

"No no. That can't work. What are you? Fucking dumbass. If I spare her she'll come back every chance she gets. She has to kill me."

"Are you just trying to figure out a way to bang her?" the high pitch voice asked.

"Whaaat? Noooo!" Deadpool said, crumpling up a graphic photo of Vanessa and himself doing… the nasty. He threw it into a nearby dumpster then walked over to it. He jumped up onto it and sat there staring at the streets of England.

"Anaconda wants us to meet her at Big Ben." Deadpool heard a guard say.

"I know where I'm going!" Deadpool said smiling.

"A prostitution ring?" the deep voice asked.

"Ooo ooo I know! A whore house!" the high pitch voice retorted.

"Wait, a therapist?" the deep voice said back.

"Ooo that's a good one." the high pitched voice said.

"I hate you guys." Deadpool said, hanging his head. He began the long walk to the huge clock tower called Big Ben.


	16. Deadpool's Anaconda - Finale

Deadpool's Anaconda Don't Want None - Finale

Deadpool finally arrived at the huge clock tower only to see it occupied by many guards that belonged to Anaconda. He looked around and found a door leading to the inside of the tower but it had a guard in front of it.

"Easy peasy." Deadpool said waving his hand. He sprinted at the guard who turned to see him running. Deadpool jumped forward, lunging at the guard and hit the ground hard as he landed right next to the guard. He looked up at the guard who had his gun aimed at him.

"Okay, you got me. Just… be gentle." Deadpool said, faking a cry. The next thing he knew, everything went black as he was knocked out.

* * *

Deadpool woke up and was chained to the wall of the top floor inside Big Ben. He looked around and saw about twenty guards on the same floor as him, all watching him. He looked in front of him to see Anaconda and Vanessa. He actually felt sadness looking at Vanessa, who didn't even know who he was.

"Deadpool, I believe it's time you said your goodbyes." Anaconda said, grinning evilly. Deadpool watched as her arms began to stretch out towards him, as if she were Mr. Fantastic. He looked at Vanessa and stared her in the eyes.

"Goodbye my love." Deadpool said. He felt the arms begin to constrict around his neck and soon he wasn't able to breathe. Vanessa stared at him, as her eyes began to look sadder and sadder.

"Wait!" Vanessa yelled out of nowhere. Anaconda was startled by this and loosened her grip. She looked at Vanessa, obviously annoyed by the interruption.

"What is it? I'm about to kill the biggest thorn in our side and you tell me to wait." Anaconda said, letting go off Deadpool.

"Maybe he can help us." Vanessa said.

"Help us with what?" Anaconda asked, getting into Vanessa's face.

"The plan. The Awakening." Vanessa said to her. She had moved closer to Deadpool now and handed him a key without Anaconda noticing.

"You see, it's a smart idea. But he is too much of a threat to himself and others. With him gone, The Awakening can happen with no problem." Anaconda said. She turned around to receive a huge punch from Deadpool.

"I said I would never hit a lady! And you are one smokin' lady! The blonde hair. The purple lipstick. The green body tight suit. The huge boobies!" Deadpool said rubbing his hands together. Anaconda looked at him and jumped over the rail, moving down the tower rapidly. Deadpool looked down at the bottom of the tower to see her escaping. He turned around to see Vanessa turning into him and the guards aiming guns at both of them.

"You get her. I'll get these guys." Vanessa told him.

"I never knew I could look so hot…" Deadpool said. He jumped towards an opened window and looked down at a van that Anaconda got in. He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands together again.

"It's time to make the chimi-fucking-changas." Deadpool yelled. He jumped from the window and broke through the window on the roof of the car. It immediately began to speed up in response to his break in and Deadpool felt his broken bones start to heal. He immediately began to beat up the two guards in the back seat next to him. He snapped one's neck, and kicked the other out the door as the car continued to speed on.

"I'm going to kill you Wade Wilson!" Anaconda yelled at him. Deadpool laughed and pulled a grenade off the dead guard's belt. He pulled it as Anaconda jumped out of the moving car.

Anaconda watched as the car blew up and smiled. She stood up and watched as the car burned in the fire along with Deadpool. All of a sudden she saw a figure start walking out of the fire.

"How…?" Anaconda asked herself.

"Bitch you thought I was dead!" Deadpool yelled in a high pitched voiced as his suit burned and he stood across from Anaconda.

"Well your name is Deadpool." the deep voice said.

"Okay, shut the fuck up. Not the time." Deadpool said, closing his eyes. He looked forward and ran at Anaconda who quickly moved out of the way.

"You see, unluckily for you, I have a magical grab bag. That means I somehow have a weapon whenever I want one." Deadpool said, a katana now in his hand. He chopped off Anaconda's arm and smiled. To his surprise, Anaconda's arm began to grow back right before his eyes.

"You aren't the only one with special gifts." Anacona smirked. Deadpool squinted his eyes and shoved the katana through Anaconda's chest and heart. Anaconda dropped to the ground lifeless.

"Grow that back." Deadpool said. Just then, Vanessa came running up to him looking like the blue girl he remembered seeing back in Vegas.

"We have to go Wade. Come on." she said, pulling him along.

"Well… T-t-th-t-t-that's all folks!" Deadpool said, following Vanessa.


	17. Deadpool Gets Sinister Part 1

Deadpool Gets Sinister Part 1

"So why did you drag me all the way to Transylvania?" Deadpool asked. He and Vanessa stood outside a large castle as Deadpool looked around the area.

"Two of Ajax's guys are here." Vanessa told him.

"Well, let's recap. I've killed Chance and Anaconda. I got Bullseyes arrested too. That leaves Ajax, Mr. Sinister, and Mr. Sinister's boo thing." Deadpool said, showing Vanessa a checklist.

"Wade, why is this in crayon?" Vanessa asked, snatching the list from him. Deadpool grabbed it back and held it against his chest.

"That's all I had on the plane ride here!" Deadpool yelled at her.

"Okay, okay whatever. So here's the plan. I captured you after the fight with Anaconda. You killed her but I got to you before you could kill me. I brought you here because I didn't know where else to go." Vanessa said.

"I like it. I like it. But there isn't enough… hmm what's the word I'm looking for… Dragons! Holy shit that would be so much better with dragons. Like, okay so get this. I killed Anaconda right," Deadpool began to say as he pulled out puppets., "So after I killed her a dragon came flying in. And on the dragon is your sexy blue ass, and you're all like 'Stop Deadpool it's over.' and I'm all like 'It's never over until the fat lady sings.' and then…" Deadpool said looking off into the distance.

"Where the hell did you get those puppets?" Vanessa asked. Deadpool put the puppets away quickly and handcuffs appeared on his hands now.

"It doesn't matter. Come on let's go!" Deadpool said. She grabbed him and shook her head. The two walked up to the door of the castle and Vanessa knocked.

"Let me do the talking." Vanessa said.

"But Vanessa!" Deadpool whined.

"Wade, shut it." Vanessa said. Deadpool looked at his feet as Mrs. Sinister opened the door and Deadpool's eyes went wide staring at her chest. Vanessa slapped the back of his head and Deadpool looked up at Mrs. Sinister's eyes.

"Copycat, it's a pleasure to see you." she said.

"A pleasure to see you too Miss." Vanessa said walking into the castle. Deadpool watched as guards walked all around the castle, and he saw no chance to kill Mrs. Sinister right now.

"You'll be happy to know we finally finished working on the carbonadium project. All weapons are now fully usable." she told Vanessa.

"Wait a minute that word sounds familiar. Carboassdium. That thing can… Holy shit!" Deadpool said. Mrs. Sinister smiled at him and Deadpool's eyes went wide again. "This bitch trying to kill me!" Deadpool yelled.

"Shut up!" Vanessa said, punching Deadpool in the back of the head.

"Copycat, allow a guard to take you to your room. I'll take Deadpool to his." Mrs. Sinister said. Mrs. Sinister grabbed Deadpool and led him up a fancy looking staircase and led him down a hallway that had white walls with a flower design. She stopped outside a wooden door and opened it to a huge bedroom with a king sized bed right in the middle. On the right side was a fireplace with couches around it and to the left side was a door leading to a bathroom.

"If you try to escape my guards will kill you." Mrs. Sinister said. Deadpool sat down on the bed as Mrs. Sinister removed his handcuffs. He expected her to leave but when she stood there staring at him he became confused.

"Did she freeze?" the high pitched voice asked.

"She's definitely having a stroke." the deep voice said. Deadpool continued to stare back at her when she finally spoke.

"You know Deadpool, you amaze me." Mrs. Sinister said.

"Um… me?" Deadpool asked.

"Yes you. The way you kill without a care. You don't care about anything. You do as you please and I have to admit… I like it a lot." Mrs. Sinister said putting her hands behind her back.

"Um… thanks?" Deadpool said not knowing what to do. For once he had no witty comeback.

"I like it so much, it kinda turns me on." Mrs. Sinister said staring down at him. Deadpool raised his eyebrow and he heard a zipper noise and watched as Mrs. Sinister's top dropped down. She tackled Deadpool onto the bed and began to kiss his mask as Deadpool gave a thumbs up to the screen.

"Hubba hubba." Deadpool said as he rolled around with Mrs. Sinister.

* * *

"P.S. Hey guys, I'm currently getting some ass so I'll be back in a week or two. Nah just fucking with ya, I'll be back soon. KK I'm gonna go bang her now. Bye!"


	18. Deadpool Gets Sinister Part 2

Deadpool Gets Sinister Part 2

Deadpool laid in bed with a cigar in his hand. He looked over and saw Mrs. Sinister lying next to him sleeping. He rolled out of bed, stood straight up, and stretched. He grabbed his tights and began to dress when Mrs. Sinister started to wake up. She sat up and covered herself with the blanket as Deadpool pulled his pants up.

"Why did you keep your mask on during it?" was the first thing Mrs. Sinister asked.

"Because I can do what I want! It's my story!" Deadpool said.

"You're insane. I love it." Mrs. Sinister said.

"This chick is starting to freak me out. She's too into us." the deep voice said.

"So how was it?" Mrs. Sinister asked as she stood up and began to put her clothes on.

"Let's just say Widdle Wade hasn't felt like that in a while. But you know what would have made it better?" Deadpool said.

"Here we go again." the high pitch voice said.

"FUCKING DRAGONS! Like alright say when you took your top off, a dragon appeared outside the window. And then me and you got on the dragon, right? You followin' me? And then you got on my dragon while I am on the real dragon. And you're all like 'Deadpool you're so sexy' and I would've been like that 'I wish you were Domino' and then you know. The end." Deadpool said.

"What in the actual fuck is wrong with you?" the deep voice asked.

"Well I must be going. Mr. Sinister will be expecting my call." she said walking towards the door.

"Wait, you mean he's not here?" Deadpool asked.

"No, that's why I spent the night with you."

"Well… fuck me." Deadpool said, looking at the screen. He shook his head towards us and turned back to Mrs. Sinister who was smiling.

"Already did darling." she said, leaving the room.

Deadpool walked into the bathroom and turned on the bath and began to dance around. He pulled out a radio and put it on as "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" began to play. He slid into the tub and pulled a rubber duck out from the bottom and began moving it around the tub.

"Rubber ducky you're the one! You make bath time oh so fun! Rubber ducky! Rubber duckyyyy!" Deadpool sang to himself. He adjusted the shower cap that randomly appeared on his head and looked up to see Vanessa staring down at him. He jumped up and she stared him in the eyes.

"You really won't look at my junk? You were my girlfriend for Christ's sake." Deadpool said.

"That is not business. We have to handle business Wade." she told him.

"You sound like Cable, and let me tell you that is not a turn on." Deadpool said. He stepped out of the tub and shook his body around as Vanessa handed him a towel. He slapped her ass as he grabbed the towel and she immediately slapped him across the face.

"Hands to yourself." Vanessa said.

"I wish Mrs. Sinister was back. She'd let me do that!" Deadpool said sounding like a child.

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. Listen, in the basement of this place they have all these weird weapons being made. I don't know what they are for but it can't be good." Vanessa said.

"Um, they can kill me. What would this world be without little ol' me." Deadpool said.

"Maybe it is good then." Vanessa said.

"Oh fuck you." Deadpool said, sitting on the bed.

"We can get down to the basement and destroy the factory. After that, we make our way upwards and then we take out Mrs. Sinister." Vanessa told him.

"When you say take her out…" Deadpool said.

"Wade, what did you two do last night?" Vanessa asked.

"Well to put it simple…" Deadpool bean to say. He looked at Vanessa's face and he could tell she felt a bit jealous. "I'm going to be honest with you hun…. She fucking raped me! She pressured me into it! I swear I didn't want it but she pushed herself on me! I was all lie 'No, I can't, it wouldn't be right' and she was all like 'come here you undeniably sexy beast you. That mask is so cool and your body looks like avocado's fucking other avocado's' and then the whole time we did it, I cried, wishing it was you. Or Domino. But mostly you." Deadpool said.

"Let's just get ready to move." Vanessa said shaking her head.

"Um, I can't leave this room without the guards shooting me with those special bullets." Deadpool said.

"Leave that to me." Vanessa said, as her body began to morph into Anaconda's.


	19. Deadpool Gets Sinister Part 3

Deadpool Gets Sinister Part 3

"Why the fuck are you Anaconda? She's dead!" Deadpool yelled at Vanessa. Vanessa stopped at the door and slapped her forehead.

"Shit! You're right. I got it." Vanessa said. Just then she began to turn into Mr. Sinister.

"No. No. No. She is literally talking to Sinister right now!" Deadpool yelled at her.

"Well I have no other ideas!" Vanessa said.

"Go out there as Bullseye, say you broke out of prison or some shit." Deadpool said. Vanessa checked her phone and saw she was getting an alert.

"Shit. We have a meeting. I'll talk to you later and then we'll figure this out." Vanessa said.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" Deadpool yelled at her as she walked out of the room. He sat on the bed and looked around not knowing what to do with the time he had.

* * *

Vanessa walked into Mrs. Sinister's office where she was talking to Ajax and Mr. Sinister. Vanessa saw how it looked like Ajax and Mr. Sinister were actually there due to the technology Mrs. Sinister was using. Vanessa sat down next to Mrs. Sinister and nodded at the two, as Ajax began to talk.

"I'd like to congratulate you on bringing Deadpool to Mrs. Sinister." Ajax said.

"It's what I'm supposed to do." Vanessa said.

"Tell me Copycat, what happened to Anaconda and Bullseye? They haven't answered in so long." Mr. Sinister said. Vanessa looked at him and saw how much he resembled Mrs. Sinister. Both had nearly grayish skin and both had a red diamond on their forehead. Mr. Sinister had short black hair compared to Mrs. Sinister's long black hair. Both wore all black, and Mr. Sinister had a red diamond in the middle of his suit's chest.

"Anaconda was killed before I could get to her." Vanessa lied. "Bullseye was arrested by Cable and sent into the police. We are all that remains."

"It's alright. I've hired some people to help us out. They call themselves, the Alliance of Evil." Ajax said.

"We need a way to take down Deadpool." Mr. Sinister said.

"How are the weapons coming along?" Ajax asked.

"I think they are finally fully operational." Mrs. Sinister said.

"Then you are in charge of killing Deadpool. Do it when you want, but he can not leave that castle." Ajax said. His image immediately disappeared and Mr. Sinister's soon followed.

"I'm sorry about Anaconda." Mrs. Sinister said standing up.

"Me too." Vanessa told her.

"I know how… close you two were." Mrs. Sinister said, raising an eyebrow.

"We weren't as close as you think." Vanessa said.

"I believe what I want, Copycat. I'm going to check on our prisoner. You should rest some more. It must have been a long trip from England to here." Mrs. Sinister said, leaving the room. Vanessa stayed back for a bit waiting for the coast to be clear. Eventually she left the office and began walking downstairs and turned herself into one of the guards. She continued going down wards until she reached the basement that was a makeshift factory. Inside it, there were weapons of all kinds being made, all that could kill Deadpool. She kept walking and saw as the guards watched over conveyer belts that would smelt the metal and turn into swords and bullets. She picked up a sword when a guard began to yell at her.

"Hey! You there! Stop!" he yelled.

"Put down that sword!" another one yelled. Vanessa quickly put down the sword as a guard walked over to her and aimed the gun at her. She was still disguised as a guard as more guards began to surround her.

"You know we don't pick up the equipment unless ordered. What's wrong with you?" the man in charge asked. Vanessa didn't answer and looked around as the guards put her in cuffs.

"We're going to put you in a cell until you decide to talk buddy. Come on." the lead man said. They began to take Vanessa away as images began to flash through her head.

The first image to pass through her head was her waking up alone in bed and Wade Wilson leaving her after he found out about his cancer. She remembered how hurt she felt by his disappearance.

The next image was experiments being done to her by the man Ajax and she remembered specific words that he had said.

"Find Wilson and kill him. You no longer have any connection to him." was what she remembered hearing.

Next thing she knew, she was placed in a cell in the factory and the door was locked.

* * *

"What in the shit is fucking wrong with you?!" Deadpool yelled. He was standing in the corner of his room as Mrs. Sinister stood on his bed undressing herself.

"Do you not find me attractive?" she asked him.

"Well first off your fucking married! Secondly, you're hornier than me! Like what the fuck how is this even possible? I mean. I'm fucking horndog. I would literally do anything that moved. Like I'm so bad I've cut a hole in my mattress and fucked the hole. But you lady! You need to chill that kitty! All I want is some tacos and chimichangas! I'm alone and afraid right now okay!" Deadpool yelled at her.

"You can be alone and afraid with me." Mrs. Sinister said, as she laid down on the bed and removed her final piece of clothing. Deadpool looked back and forth at the camera and Mrs. Sinister and continued to do so until the voice in his head spoke up.

"Fuck it." the deep voice said.

"Fine! But only this once! And maybe three other times tonight… But just for today. We all know I'm a people pleaser." Deadpool said shrugging. He jumped onto the bed and rubbed his chest slowly.

"Now paint me like one of your French girls." he said as Mrs. Sinister jumped on top of him.


	20. Deadpool Gets Sinister Part 4

Deadpool Gets Sinister Part 4

Deadpool woke up inside a jail cell with many guards standing outside of it. Mrs. Sinister walked past the guards and stood right in front of the cell door as Deadpool rubbed his eyes.

"I could have sworn last chapter ended with us banging." Deadpool said.

"I thought you should know, I decided to give you one night of pleasure before your death." Mrs. Sinister said.

"It's alright I understand most girls always come back for m… did you say death?" Deadpool asked.

"I plan on slicing your head off with one of these swords made especially to kill you." Mrs. Sinister said, pulling the sword out. Deadpool's eyes went wide and he slapped his face with both of his hands as he looked at the reader.

"Can you believe this? All I want to do is please a woman and she wants to cut off my head. And not the one down unda mate. The one that is labeled my money maker." Deadpool said. He looked back at Mrs. Sinister before turning back to the reader. "By the way, I would prefer if you read all narrations in a British accent. It makes me feel all tingly. Anyway back to the story." Deadpool turned back to Mrs. Sinister who was staring at him.

"I'm sorry beloved. But it is my duty to kill you. It's an order. If I could have it any other way I would be holding your sword." she told him.

"Holy fuck you literally don't stop with the horniness." Deadpool said. "I can relate though. I remember one time I jacked it eight times in a row. That's right. Healing factor regenerates that too. Sure it all added up to eight minutes of my life I'll never get back but it was worth it."

"Let me out of here!" everyone heard a female yell. Next to Deadpool's cell was another cell. Inside that one it held another Mrs. Sinister.

"I am the real Mrs. Sinister! She put me in here, she's a fraud." the one in the cell yelled. The guards turned their guns towards the Mrs. Sinister with the sword who squinted her eyes at the second cell. She walked in front of it and stared down the prisoner.

"Copycat, what are you doing." Mrs. Sinister asked.

"The right thing." Vanessa said. Mrs. Sinister opened the door and raised the sword above her head.

"I'm sorry for this. But you are a traitor." Mrs. Sinister said. Vanessa kicked Mrs. Sinister in the stomach, who fell down. Vanessa then grabbed the sword and ran out and began taking down each guard while avoiding attacks from each one. Deadpool stared at her in amazement as he began to slide his hand into his pants.

"Turn away readers, this isn't something you should see." Deadpool said. Vanessa continued to take out each guard until everyone around her was on the ground. She unlocked the door to Deadpool's cell who ran out and hugged her.

"My hero!" he yelled. Deadpool pulled out a pistol and began to walk towards the staircase that led to the exit when he stopped in his tracks. He turned around to see Vanessa still standing there.

"Come on what are you waiting for?" Deadpool asked. Before his eyes he watched a sword go through Vanessa's stomach. She dropped to the ground as Mrs. Sinister stood up behind her and held the sword towards Deadpool. She then threw that one away and grabbed the one in Vanessa's hands.

"That one wasn't carbonadium, but this is. Now it's your turn to die." Mrs. Sinister said.

"You killed her… you killed Vanessa… That is it. You fucking bitch! I'm going to enjoy killing you!" Deadpool yelled as he pulled out both swords from his back. He ran at Mrs. Sinister as she began to run at him and the two's swords collided with a loud screeching noise.


	21. Deadpool Gets Sinister - Finale

Deadpool Gets Sinister - Finale

Deadpool and Mrs. Sinister continued to swing the swords at each other, never seeming to be able to get past the other's block. Deadpool pushed his sword into Mrs. Sinister's causing her to move back. He continued doing this pushing her back until she was up against a wall.

"I'm going to kill you." Deadpool said.

"Hit me with your best shot." Mrs. Sinister said. Deadpool knocked the sword out of her hand and stabbed Mrs. Sinister in the leg with one sword and the shoulder with another.

"I'm gonna make you suffer." Deadpool said. One of the guards who was on the ground began to get up as Deadpool looked back at him.

"Stay the fuck down." Deadpool said. He pulled out a pistol and shot him in the head before turning back to Mrs. Sinister who grabbed his head and slammed it into the wall next to her.

"Pull these swords out of me now." she said.

"Why do I feel like I've heard that before?" Deadpool asked himself. He looked up at the ceiling as it began to cave in and a red and black dragon flew into the basement and began to burn the walls and machines inside.

"No fucking way. Holy fucking shit. This isn't real. It can't be real. I know it's not real." Deadpool said staring at it. Riding the dragon was Rogue from the X-Men who was only wearing a bikini.

"What the fuck? She hasn't even been introduced yet." Deadpool said. "I'm so definitely tripping balls right now." Deadpool said. Rogue jumped down from the dragon and walked over to Deadpool who was being held by Mrs. Sinister. Rogue slapped Deadpool across the face as Deadpool shook his head after the slap.

He closed his eyes and opened them to see that in front of him was one of Mrs. Sinister's female ninja guards, and there really was no dragon.

"What in the shit is a female ninja guard?" Deadpool asked. The ninja slapped Deadpool again and Deadpool's eyes went wide.

"This bitch. Girl you better hold me back," Deadpool said looking back at Mrs. Sinister, "I'm going to open a whole new can of whoop ass on you. I'm about rip that fake ass hair out." He broke away from Mrs. Sinister and grabbed the girl's hair before she could get away.

"Apologize!" Deadpool yelled.

"No." the ninja said.

"Fuck it." Deadpool said. He used the pistol to shoot her in the head and turned around to Mrs. Sinister. "Sorry lover. But I will get the sex from someone else now. May the force be with you and all that shit."

Deadpool pulled out a sword from Mrs. Sinister's leg and shoved it into her stomach as she gasped for air. He pulled the other one from her shoulder and pushed that one through her chest, as she was finally dead. He walked over to where Vanessa's body should be but it was no longer there. Deadpool stared at the ground for about five minutes before shaking his head and leaving the mansion.

"Fuck it. It's a story. She's probably going to end up appearing later for shock factor or some shit. But I'll play along for all you fukers out there. Oh no?! Where ever could she be?!" Deadpool said as he walked out the front door.

"Now where in the fuck am I going?" Deadpool asked himself as he stood outside with the sun shining. He began his journey to where the next villain was, which he, nor I, have figured out yet.

"Mr. Sinister! That's it. Alright yeah, I got it now. Fuck that guy. I'll kill him next." Deadpool said with a smile. He began to skip down the road as the camera slowly panned out and away from him.

"Gotta love a good ending. Well not a final ending but an ending. Whatever. BYE!" Deadpool yelled to the sky.


	22. Mr Deadpool Part 1

Mr. Deadpool Part 1

Deadpool was waiting at the airport with his usual luggage. He had his guns and his blow up sex doll right next to him as people gave him terrified looks when they walked by. He was leaning back in his seat, scratching his crotch as he stared at everyone around him. He heard his phone's ringtone go off and he began to look around his pile of junk for it.

"La la la la la la la la Deadpool's world. Deadpool loves his goldfish. His sex doll too. It's Deadpool's wor-" the ringtone sang as Deadpool answered the phone.

"Who the fuck are you and what do you want?" Deadpool asked, sniffing his armpit.

"It's Wolverine." Wolverine said from the other end.

"No fucking way. EVERYBODY! Wolverine just called me!" Deadpool yelled in the airport, "how the fuck are you? It's been awhile since I've fondled your balls. What's going on?"

"Rogue has been kidnapped. We don't know where she's gone but we need you to find her. We are busy with our own problems." Wolverine said.

"No way Rogue?! I'll save her don't worry." Deadpool said. He hung up his phone and it immediately started ringing again. He answered it and lowered his voice.

"Whoever this is, I will find you, and I will kill you." Deadpool said.

"Wade, it's me again." Wolverine said, "I wasn't done talking you dumbass."

"Oh… Well hey." Deadpool said.

"We believe it was Mr. Sinister who took her. He was last seen in Genosha. So go investigate there." Wolverine said, hanging up.

"Huh, Genosha. Just like that one guy in the reviews said. Well I'll be fucked by a monkey mixed with a lion. I need to get there quick." Deadpool said. He picked up all his stuff and tucked the blow up sex doll under his arm.

"Who the fuck knows how to get to Genosha?!" Deadpool yelled in the middle of the airport. "Anyone?!"

* * *

Deadpool arrived at a run down dock on the island of Genosha. He looked around to see large mountains all over and in the distance ancient ruins and even what looked like a castle. He walked off the boat and onto the dock as the driver stared at him. Deadpool turned around and shrugged his shoulders, as the man continued to sit there and stare.

"Can I fucking help you?" Deadpool asked.

"I would like my money for bringing you here." the man said.

"Oh I have no money. But what I can give you is a crisp high five." Deadpool said.

"Are you fucking serious?" the man asked.

"Take the damn high five!" Deadpool said immediately. The man rolled his eyes and high fived Deadpool and turned around. Deadpool smiled and began to walk onto the island. The man drove the boat away as Deadpool looked around and realized he left all his weapons back on the boat.

"Fuck me." Deadpool said. All he had was the katana's on his back, two pistols in holsters at his side, two more pistols on the back of his belt, grenades attached to his belt, and a sub-machine gun on his lower leg.

"Momma always said come prepared." the high pitched voice said. Deadpool continued walking when he heard people talking further ahead. He ran forward a bit and hid behind a large boulder and listened in on the conversation.

"The mutants have been moved into the dungeon by order of Mr. Sinister." one man said.

"How many does that make now?" the other asked.

"We have four captives total now. But he said to be on the lookout incase anymore come to try and free them." the first one responded.

"Well keep a look out, we never know who is going to show up." the second said. The two separated as Deadpool followed the second guy closely. He stopped at the edge of the island and stared out at the ocean. Deadpool snuck up behind him when the man turned around and Deadpool's eyes went wide.

"Holy fucking balls. Bob?!" Deadpool asked.

"It's you from-" Bob began to say.

"Applebee's." they both said in unison. Deadpool hit him in the head with the butt of his pistol and stared down at his unconscious body.

"I'm sorry. I know we spent some pretty… fucked up moments together, but I had to do this. Until next time my friend." Deadpool said. He ran to where the first guard went and peaked over a boulder to see a squadron of troopers. Deadpool ducked down and cocked his pistols as he smiled.

"Oh fuck yeah. It's time." Deadpool said.


	23. Mr Deadpool Part 2

Mr. Deadpool Part 2

Deadpool looked up from behind the large rock to see the twenty soldiers still standing there. He went back over to where Bob was and slapped him multiple times hoping to wake him.

"Wake the fuck up." Deadpool said after the first slap.

"You dumb fuck."

"I love you!"

"I hate you!"

"I thought you would be there for me after the times we shared."

"How you held me through the night." Deadpool said on the final slap as Bob woke up. Bob stood up and rubbed his head as he looked at Deadpool.

"What happened?" Bob asked.

"Oh, a rock hit you." Deadpool said.

"Nice save." The deep voice said.

"Oh. Well, I'm glad you are here." Bob said.

"Listen, cut the sappy love shit. I need you and you owe me one after our encounter last time. You are going to help me take down those twenty soldiers over there." Deadpool said.

"But those are my fellow employees." Bob said.

"Does it look like I give a shit bitch? Now shut the fuck up, pick up your gun, and let's fucking do this." Deadpool said, pulling out pistols. Bob picked up his M16 and followed Deadpool back to the large boulder where the two hid.

"So here's the plan. You'll run out there and distract them as I… Where the fuck did you go?" Deadpool asked looking around. He peeked over the boulder to see Bob running out there yelling as if it were some type of war cry. He ran straight into a rock and fell onto his back as the other soldiers laughed at him.

"Nobody laughs at my Bob." Deadpool said to himself. He jumped up from behind the boulder and shot a bullet which went through three bad guys' heads. "Holy shit a collateral!" Deadpool yelled out loud. Two men shot him where both his nipples would be as Deadpool looked down then back up.

"You'll pay for that." Deadpool said. He shot both men in the head and watched them fall to the ground as three more ran at him. He pulled out his katana and stabbed one in the stomach. He pulled out his other katana and sliced the second one's head off. He kicked the third one in the knee then punched him in the throat. He grabbed the sword out of the dead man's stomach and cut the last man's head off as well.

"Twelve more." The high pitch voice said. Deadpool shot three more before they could pick up their guns and fire back.

"Nine." the deep voice said.

"If I only I had a magic green ring of hope. It would make this so much easier… If you think I'm serious kindly fuck off." Deadpool said, smiling at the camera as his mask scrunched up. He pulled out a grenade and threw it in the middle of their tiny base and jumped into the explosion. The grenade went off and Deadpool flew out of it holding one last man.

"Is Mr. Sinister at the castle?" Deadpool asked.

"Yes." the man said, shutting his eyes.

"Thanks." Deadpool said. He dropped the man and began to drag Bob towards the large castle on the other side of the island. The man looked up to the sky as a tear filled his eye. All of a sudden a bullet went right through his head as Deadpool stood there.

"I'm not some pussy. I kill the bad guys." Deadpool said. He went back to Bob's unconscious body and continued to drag it towards the castle.

* * *

"He is on the island sir." a servant said appearing next to Mr. Sinister's throne. Mr. Sinister stroked his chin as he stared out at the large island in front of him and saw the smoke rising from the other end.

"Is my new partner here yet?" Mr. Sinister asked.

"Both partners are here sir." the servant answered.

"I want Plan A out there and I want Deadpool's head brought to me on a silver platter do you understand me?" Mr. Sinister asked.

"He will be deployed in the field immediately sir." the servant said, bowing.

"Good. I hope Deadpool is ready to handle this task." Mr. Sinister said with a wide grin.


	24. Mr Deadpool Part 3

Mr. Deadpool Part 3

The next day, Deadpool woke up in a cave to see that Bob was gone. All that was left in his place was a note that Deadpool picked up. He scratched his ass and then his crotch as he began to read the note in his head.

 _Dear Idiot,_

 _I'm sorry I had to say goodbye like this. I didn't want to be there to witness the blood that is soon to be shed. I hope our paths will meet again some day. I also have to thank you for the night we just spent together, although you holding me throughout the night and crying into my neck was very disturbing, I've never had a friend like you. Just kidding, you are pretty fucking messed up. Anyway, I'll see you around dickbrain._

 _Your Friend,_

 _Bob_

"That asshole left me." Deadpool said. "Now I know how the opposite end of a one night stand feels."

"You didn't even do anything with him you fucking weirdo." The deep voice said.

"Let the man be! He's been throughout lately!" The high pitch voice said.

"Yeah. Fuck you voice in my head." Deadpool yelled looking up.

"What the fuck is wrong with that guy?" One guard asked another as they looked into the cave. Deadpool turned to look at them and smiled.

"Oh hello boys." Deadpool said. He pulled out his katanas and stabbed both guys through the stomach. He pulled them into the cave as they yelled in pain and fell to the ground. Deadpool sheathed his katanas and kneeled down to look at both.

"Where is your boss?" Deadpool asked.

"Go to hell." One said.

"I've been there and back." Deadpool said as he pulled out a gun and shot the guard in the head. He looked at the quiet one who was bleeding out.

"The castle." He said. Deadpool nodded and then stood up. He began to leave when the guard began to yell back at him.

"You're just going to leave me here?!" The guard yelled.

"That sounds about right." Deadpool said back. He exited the cave and began walking towards the large castle that loomed over the island.

* * *

A couple hours later, Deadpool took a break and was now much closer to the castle. He sat there and looked around when he realized someone was watching him. It was a figure wearing a white hood and cape along with blue tights and orange straps. The figure jumped down to Deadpool's level as Deadpool saw he had a shield on his back, a sword on his belt, and a bow in his hand.

"Wade Wilson." The man said. Deadpool squinted his eyes and saw he had on a white skull mask.

"No way, Taskmaster?!" Deadpool asked. He stood up and walked over to him. "I haven't seen you in like, forever. What are you doing here?"

"I have come to kill you." Taskmaster said. He fired an arrow at Deadpool hitting him right in the shoulder. Deadpool stopped walking and looked at the arrow sticking out of him then back to Taskmaster, then back at the arrow. He continued looking back and forth like this until Taskmaster fired another arrow, hitting Deadpool in the knee.

"You sick fuck." Deadpool said looking at the camera. He turned back to Taskmaster and pulled both arrows out of his body. "Listen, Tasky, I can forgive those two arrows. Just say sorry and I won't have to kick your ass."

"Not gonna happen." Taskmaster said.

"Well go fuck yourself then." Deadpool said. He pulled out his katanas as Taskmaster dropped his bow and pulled out his sword.

"Your death will be my greatest achievement." Taskmaster said. He ran at Deadpool as Deadpool placed his katanas in an 'X' and blocked Taskmaster's sword attack. Taskmaster swept his foot under Deadpool's legs, knocking him off his feet.

"I know every move you are going to make before you make it." Taskmaster said.

"Then that should make this interesting." Deadpool said. He swung both katanas at Taskmaster who rolled out of the way of the first one and blocked the second swing. Taskmaster pushed Deadpool back, jumped up, and kicked him in the chest. Deadpool stumbled backwards and sheathed his katanas.

"Alright fuck this." Deadpool said. He pulled out his pistols and began to shoot at Taskmaster who pulled out his shield just in time and blocked each shot attempt. He dropped his shield and picked up his bow again and fired four shots at Deadpool. Deadpool caught two and watched as the other one hit him in the forehead and in the chest.

"I really fucking hate this guy." Deadpool said. He pulled the arrows out as Taskmaster ran at him and tackled him to the ground. He wrapped his hands around Deadpool's throat as Deadpool looked down to see water with sharp jagged rocks sticking out of it.

"Son of a dildo munching whore." Deadpool said as he struggled to break free.


	25. Mr Deadpool Part 4

Mr. Deadpool Part 4

"Until next time, mi amor!" Deadpool said. He flipped Taskmaster over him causing him to go flying off the cliff. Deadpool stood up and rubbed his neck before walking away from the cliff, where Taskmaster was hanging very close to a sharp pointed rock. Deadpool then ran back to the cliff's edge and looked down before dropping to his knees.

"You lucky son of a dick bag." Deadpool yelled. He got up and walked away before Taskmaster could get back up to fight him again. He continued walking until he reached the castle doors where he was stopped by two guards.

"You can't enter here." The first guard said.

"Listen man. Fuck you. Okay? Fuck you. I wanna get off of this stupid piece of shit island. I wanna go home. I wanna sleep, and I want to jerk it. This bullshit is so tiring. I've killed like four of your bosses so far and have gotten nothing out of it. I may have slept with a psycho bitch but it's not as fun as an x-woman. And yeah, maybe I want dragons to appear and that will never happen but a man can dream right? Now get the fuck out of my way so I can kill Mr. Sinister and go home. Please?" Deadpool asked.

The guards looked at each other, then back at Deadpool before the second one answered saying, "No."

"He fucked up." The deep voice said.

"Okay, whatever fine." Deadpool said walking away. He quickly turned back around and shot the two guards before running through the doors to see an army waiting for him on the other side. Deadpool pulled out his katana's and jumped into the large group of soldiers as they put everything they had into him.

* * *

An hour later Deadpool sat on a pile of dead bodies as his body bled from a bunch of bullet holes. He jumped down as a door across from him opened. He sighed and looked up to see a woman walking towards.

"Holy titties." Deadpool said. He looked the woman up and down as she got closer and closer. He sheathed his katanas and watched as she got inches away from his face. The woman suddenly punched him across the face, and when Deadpool looked back up he saw it was actually one of the soldiers.

"I need water." Deadpool said. He placed his hands on the soldier's cheeks and quickly snapped his neck before he saw what looked like Mr. Sinister pass by the hall in front of him. He ran after the man and continued to follow him all the way down to the last floor of the castle. He eventually stopped when he saw Mr. Sinister stop in front of a large cell containing four mutants that Deadpool recognized.

"Hey Rogue! No way, Psylocke?! Syren?! Sunspot… you're a dude, nevermind. What are you guys doing here?!" Deadpool asked in a happy tone.

"They are here because I have used them to study the powers they possess. But they are no longer useful to me so I plan on killing them." Mr. Sinister said.

"Not over my dead body. And the only way I'm dying is if I'm suffocated by boobs. There's no other way I want to go out." Deadpool said. He looked at Rogue and winked at her. "And you're going to make that happen right after this fight." He pulled out his katanas and ran at Mr. Sinister who quickly dodged the attacks

"Come on, is that all you've got? You killed my wife like this?" Mr. Sinister asked.

"No. I fucked her crazy then killed her." Deadpool said. He high fived himself as Mr. Sinister became enraged and charged Deadpool. He tackled him to the ground and picked up one of his katanas and held it there in the air.

"This is going to hurt." Mr. Sinister said.


	26. Mr Deadpool - Finale

Mr. Deadpool - Finale

Mr. Sinister slammed the katana down onto Deadpool's neck, cutting his head clean off. Deadpool's eyes froze and his body became less tense as Mr. Sinister stood up. He walked over to the cage full of mutants and smiled as he raised the bloody katana up again.

"Now that that's settled… Who's next?" Mr. Sinister asked. He felt someone tap his shoulder and he turned around to see a headless Deadpool standing there.

"Yeah! Fuck him body!" Deadpool's head yelled from the ground. Mr. Sinister shoved the katana into Deadpool's stomach. Deadpool then punched him across the face, and pushed him into the wall. He then began to punch him all over simply because he couldn't see where to hit.

"Look at me go! You are gettin' messed up. Mr. Sinister more like Mr. … Mr. Fuck you that's what!" Deadpool's head continued to shout from the ground.

"When will he realize his neck stump is still bleeding out?" the deep voice asked himself.

"I really don't think he cares." the high pitch voice in his head said. Deadpool's body continued to punch Mr. Sinister who was pressed up against the wall.

"Yeah show him what we did to Mrs. Sinister now!" Deadpool's head said with maniacal laughs following. Deadpool's body then began to grind against Mr. Sinister's body who quickly became disgusted.

"What the hell?!" Mr. Sinister yelled.

"No no no you sick fuck! Show him the other thing we did!" Deadpool's head yelled. Deadpool's body gave his head a thumbs up before grabbing a katana from the ground and shoving it through Mr. Sinister's stomach. Mr. Sinister looked down at it and back up at the headless Deadpool before slowly closing his eyes. Deadpool's body then walked over to Deadpool's head, picked it up, and placed it back where it should be. Deadpool spun his head around until it finally stuck and he looked at the reader.

"Don't fucking question it okay? The story is back so be happy. Just fucking deal with whatever this author gives you and cry to yourselves. No one wants to hear your whining in the reviews." Deadpool said. He looked back at Mr. Sinister who was still leaning against the wall with the katana in his stomach.

"Don't worry hotties and Sunspot. I'll get you out of there." Deadpool said. He walked over to the lock and placed a C4 unit on it before taking a step back. He pulled out the detonator and was about to blow the C4 when one of the mutants stopped him.

"Wait! Why not just use the key on the wall?!" Psylocke yelled. Deadpool looked at each mutant and then behind him where a shiny gold key hung on a wall. He tilted his head and shrugged before looking back at the others.

"This is more cool!" Deadpool said. He pulled the trigger as the cell exploded, sending the steel bars flying outwards and inwards. Once the smoke from the bomb had cleared Rogue, Psylocke, Syren, and Sunspot walked out from the cell unharmed. They looked at Deadpool who was pinned against the wall with steel bars going through his stomach, head, and both wrists.

"You two get out of here. Me and Psylocke will help him out." Rogue said. The two female mutants walked over to Deadpool as Sunspot and Syren flew out of Mr. Sinister's castle. Psylocke used her telekinesis to pull the bars out of Deadpool's body. Once he was free, the two held him up and began to leave. When they passed where Mr. Sinister had died, Deadpool looked over and saw no one there and only his katana in the wall.

"Guys…" Deadpool said.

"Be quiet." Psylocke said as they began to ascend a set of stairs.

"Guys wait-" Deadpool said again.

"We are leaving." Rogue added in.

"Sinister is gone." Deadpool said. This information didn't phase Psylocke or Rogue as they continued moving.

"The X-Men will deal with him now Deadpool. He won't mess with you again." Rogue said to calm him down. Deadpool nodded before he blacked out due to all the blood loss.

* * *

Deadpool woke up strapped to a metal table with four people standing in front of him smiling.

"Hello Deadpool." one said.

"Are job is to keep you busy long enough for Ajax to get through with his plan." another said. Deadpool felt a bunch of air begin to hit the back of him. He did his best to turn his head and saw that they were in a plane with the back of it hanging open.

"What happened to Rogue. And Psylocke?" Deadpool asked.

It was really these four people here Wade Wilson. My powers warped what you saw. Mr. Sinister had tricked you into thinking your friends were kidnapped. He tricked Wolverine and all the other X-Men as well. You were really supposed to be buried under that castle but instead you changed the plans. Now, you'll be kicked out of this plane and probably drown." A woman dressed in all green with green hair said. She pushed Deadpool out of the plane sending him spinning through the air and plummeting to the ground.


	27. Alliance of Deadpools Part 1

Alliance of Deadpools Part 1

Deadpool woke up on an island with sand filling his view. The metal table was still strapped to his back and he had no way of getting up. He wiggled and eventually picked up a knife out of the pocket on his leg. He cut the straps tying him to the table and quickly stood up. He saw a few trees on the island and then lots and lots of water. He saw a dog running up to him wearing his gear and Deadpool gasped.

"Dogpool?! You're here buddy!" Deadpool yelled as he kneeled down and Dogpool jumped into his wide open arms. He hugged Dogpool who began to hump him on sight.

"Okay stop… What th- Knock it- Fuck off!" Deadpool yelled as he threw Dogpool off of him. Dogpool growled as Deadpool placed his hands on his hips.

"You know I'm used to being fucked, but not by you Dogpool. I had to deal with some Sinister shit, see what I did there? Then I was fucking threw out of a plane, and I don't even know how the fuck that was possible. Like what the fuck happened there? The author has to be missing some major plot points." Deadpool said.

"Or maybe he is planning on getting to them later." the high pitch voice said.

"Well all I know is I am tired of being fucked over! I lost Vanessa again, and now I'm stuck on an island with Dogpool. The only ass I've gotten in this story is Mrs. Sinister and she wasn't even good. She beat me half the time." Deadpool said. "I miss you Vanessa." Deadpool fell to the ground and sat in the sand as Dogpool laid by his side.

* * *

 _"I swear to fuck when I get out of this… I'm gonna kill you!" Wade Wilson yelled from inside a large glass tube. He struggled inside of it as he was strapped down all over, keeping his hands at his side and his legs together. He looked up at Ajax who smiled down at him. He rubbed his bald head and turned a knob and left Wade inside the tube. Wade could feel the air leaving the tube and began to suffocate inside the machine._

 _"You… son… of… a… fuck." Wade said as he passed out._

* * *

"My memories may be all jigsaw puzzle types of fucked, but I know exactly why I'm after that bag of dicks named Ajax. But do you see my predicament, I'm stuck on this fucking island with no o…" Deadpool said as he looked at Dogpool.

"Holy shit. I have an idea. I have to travel into the multiverse and since I'm Deadpool I can do anything." Deadpool said. "I'm going to gather all the mes. Oh fuck yes this could bring a whole new definition to fucking myself." He clapped his hands together and stood up. He looked back at the camera and slapped his ass.

"Sorry for the short chapters my loves but I got a multiverse to enter and some big titty bitches to find, watch out readers, I'm coming for you." Deadpool said waving goodbye.


	28. Alliance of Deadpools Part 2

Alliance of Deadpools Part 2

"God you have big tits." Deadpool said as he stared at a woman in a Deadpool outfit with a long blonde ponytail. Next to her was a child also wearing a Deadpool outfit, then dogpool, and next to them was a floating head that had a propeller cap. On the floating head was a half torn Deadpool mask and the bottom half was a mouth that continuously chomped at the air.

"My Deadpool army has risen!" Deadpool said. "I would like you, the audience, to meet Ladypool, Kidpool, Headpool, and the returning Dogpool. We look terrible in green and call ourselves the Deadpool Corp!" Deadpool yelled as he threw sand out of his hands that landed on the island.

"Why didn't you just teleport us off the island when you were in the multiverse you dumb dumb?" Kidpool said. Deadpool looked back at him and squinted.

"Is that the best insult you got you little shit?" Deadpool asked.

"Suck my ass."

"Touche." Deadpool said almost immediately. He turned back towards the camera and his eyes went wide. "He's right though. I should've teleported off this island."

"I could handle one of you, now there's five of you." the deep voice said.

"It's like a deadpoolaza!" the high pitch voice said in happiness.

"Hey hey. Shut the fuck up you two. It's the Pool's time to shine." Deadpool said. He looked back at the others that continued to just stand there and look at him.

"I wonder if you like women as much as I do." Deadpool said walking up to Ladypool.

"No I like men." Ladypool said. Deadpool looked back at the camera and slowly put his pointer finger inside a circle he made on his other hand with his pointer finger and thumb. He walked past Kidpool, and shoved him to the ground as he arrived in front of Headpool. Kidpool fell to the ground and glared at Deadpool who put his arm around Headpool.

"So what can you do?" Deadpool asked. Headpool continued to bite at the air as Deadpool gave him a side look. Headpool didn't do anything and continued to slowly bite at nothing as Deadpool began to groan.

"Ugh. Fine you win. Your power is super boredom obviously." Deadpool said. He poked Headpool on the cheek causing Headpool to bite Deadpool's finger off. "Mother fucker!"

Headpool swallowed the finger which then dropped to the sand below him. Deadpool picked it up and placed it on the spot it was bitten off from and waited for his healing factor to work its magic. Deadpool cleared his throat once his finger was back on and looked at the four other Pool's.

"Ladypool. Kidpool. Dogpool. Headpool. You four have been summoned to help me in a time of need. There is a group of people out there stopping me from getting Francis. Or Ajax. Or whatever the fuck he wants to be called the name doesn't matter. What does matter is that we get off this island, we find the sons of bitches conspiring against me, and we kill them brutally! Like I mean no fucking mercy!" Deadpool said as he smashed his fist into his hand.

"I think he's lost his marbles." the high pitch voice said.

"No he still has them. He keeps them in a chest under his bed." the deep voice said.

"Are you fuckers ready?! We are killing some bitches!" Deadpool yelled.

"Fuck yeah!" Ladypool yelled.

"Nom nom nom." Headpool chomped away. Dogpool began to howl as Kidpool smiled and raised his katanas.

"Now let's kick some evil ass… In the next chapter! HAHA BITCHES!" Deadpool yelled.


	29. Guess Who's Back? Back Again

**Deadpool's Back, Back Again**

"It's been one year and four days since I've seen you fuckfaces. This story has gained followers and the lazy ass writer hasn't even updated it. He's preoccupied himself with his Grand Theft Auto series-"

"Which barely gets half the reads this does." the high pitch voice added in.

"And the new Revival of Amazing Hunter." Deadpool said.

"Check them out if you have the time." the deep voice said.

"What a shameless plug." Deadpool said. He sat on top of a pile of bodies, his other counterparts from the multiverse gone. He jumped down from the pile of bodies and began to walk down an abandoned highway. "The story the author had planned was getting hectic. Deadpool, aka me, was supposed to be simple. Which, from here on out, it will be. He will also update whenever he likes, because I fucking told him to."

"Tell them what we're doing. Go on." the high pitch voice said filled with excitement.

"I, Deadpool. Wade Wilson. Dongpool-"

"Still not being called that." the deep voice interrupted.

"I honestly fucking hate my brain sometimes." Deadpool said. He sighed and stopped walking. "I'm going to finish what I started. However, there's been a new revelation. Fuck Ajax. That bitch has already been done thanks to the movie. I'm going after Mr. Sinister. Remember how he wasn't actually dead? Well I need to go and fucking fix that."

"Tell them who's helping. Go on! Tell them!" the high pitch voice egged on again.

"Jesus would you just shut the fuck up. You sound like such a little fucking kid." Deadpool said. "Wolverine will be helping me. Well... more like watching over me. He told me I'm a hazard to myself and others. But, other than that, me and Wolvie are going to kick some Sinister ass. In the coming chapters of course. I have to be a dickhead and lead you nerds on."

Deadpool was now sitting in a bar. He turned around to face you, the reader, and held up a drink.

"What kind of man would I be if I gave out the whole shabang on the first date. I mean any lady is lucky to get in with the dongpool, but I'm no whore. I can't just give myself up like that." Deadpool said.

"Are we with the right Deadpool?" the deep voice asked.

"Basically, I'm back bitches. New story. New side characters. New words thrown together to tickle you fucking pink. Get your dicks hard and a few tissues ready. This is one adventure you are not gonna wanna fucking miss. I'm gonna fuck the shit out of this story. And the offspring of that will be beautiful."

"If it's your offspring, it'd be hideous." Domino said from behind the bar. She was wiping the counter and Deadpool turned to look at her.

"You mind shutting the fuck up? Like who are you to insult me like that? Did I kill your family? Probably. That doesn't mean you have to be rude." Deadpool said. He slammed his drink onto the ground and stood up. "She ruined my mood. Fucking wait till the next chapter to have your fill of Deadpool now. I'm gonna shit and jerk off at the same time. Buh bye now. Buh bye."


End file.
